


Now and Then

by makesupernaturalgayagain



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Canon Compliant, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, Misunderstandings, ish, wow shocker
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-21
Updated: 2020-05-21
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:28:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 22,790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24185902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/makesupernaturalgayagain/pseuds/makesupernaturalgayagain
Summary: This is two stories in one.In the present, Sam, Dean and Cas are adjusting to a more peaceful, Chuck free world. Sam is happily dating Eileen and Dean is still trying to convince himself that he and Cas are only friends, despite everything that happened between them.In the past, we see details of Dean and Castiel's relationship that explain how they got to where they are today.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester
Comments: 7
Kudos: 82





	Now and Then

**Author's Note:**

> The past is in bold.

The unyielding July sun beat down on Dean's back as he made his way into the bunker. He had only been outside long enough for a quick stop to the grocery store for booze, bread and a few other essentials but he could already feel sweat pooling at his lower back. He let out a breath of relief as he stepped into the chilly bunker. The familiar smell of old books greeted him as trotted down the spiral staircase, walking through the well-memorized rooms.   
  
He found Sam in the kitchen, with one of his freakishly large arms wrapped around Eileen. She was laughing gently at something Sam had said. Dean made a show of clearing his throat, always enjoying the way Sam jumped out of his skin when Dean caught the two of them being intimate. Truthfully, Dean loved that his little brother had found someone. Sam had lost so many people - so many opportunities at a real life. Dean was relieved when Eileen came back to them. Even if it meant watching Sam chase after her like an over grown puppy.  
  
Sam studied the bags as Dean dumped them on the counter. "Anything resembling real food in there?"  
  
Dean made a show of pulling out the bananas and salad mix that he had resentfully thrown into his cart. "The good beer is mine," he warned. "You can have that nasty lite beer you like so much."  
  
"Actually," Sam began, alerting Dean to the fact that he was about to be annoyed. "We have started drinking flavored seltzer drinks - they're called White Claws. They have almost no carbs or calories."  
  
Dean turned to EIleen. "Aren't you supposed to stop him from being a douche?"  
  
EIleen ran a hand affectionately through Sam's floppy hair. "They are good," she insisted. "They have a watermelon flavor."  
  
Dean scoffed and popped open one of his beers. "I'll stick to a real man's drink." He threw the lid at Sam and made his way out of the kitchen as Sam's threats of a beer belly followed him down the hallway.  
  
It had been a quiet few days in the bunker - in general most days were quiet now. With Jack taking over Heaven and Rowena reigning in hell, Dean and Sam weren't spending all of their time fighting angels and demons. Occasionally an issue with a demon would arise but if was far and few - Rowena had apparently instituted some changes in hell, and Dean couldn't imagine anyone wanting to cross her. Besides, not many demons wanted to wonder Earth anymore, especially now that Heaven had an active defender and a brand new angel charge.   
  
Things had gone back to normal. Or as normal as Dean's life could ever be.   
  
He and Sam still went on hunts - ghosts were always gonna be a pain in the ass. But Dean didn't mind jetting off to fight a restless spirit or pack of vampires. And occasionally Sam and Eileen would take cases by themselves, giving Dean some time off. He found that he enjoyed playing Bobby's role with newer hunters. He would pretend to be their supervisor to get the cops off their back or give them information on how to gank a beast they hadn't dealt with before. Things were never going to be all rainbows and butterflies, but he was happy.  
  
Dean paused as he walked by the heavy door leading upwards to the back yard. It was ajar, and even from six feet away, he could the July heat beginning to seep into his cool bunker. He grumbled as he walked up the stairs. He peaked his head out into the thick summer air and found Castiel kneeling in the grass, stabbing the earth with a tiny garden shovel. The former warrior of Heaven was surrounded by bags of manure, several tiny seed packets and plants growing out of their clay pots.   
  
Dean opened his mouth to reprimand Cas for letting the summer air in, but he closed it, instead taking a moment to lean against the door frame and watch Cas busy himself with his garden. Before Cas had moved in for good, this spot was just a patch of dirt. Now it was alive with wild flowers, shrubs, vegetables and swarms of bumblebees.  
  
Cas was hard at work, dressed in one of Dean's old shirts and a pair of shorts that showed off the angel's newly tanned legs. Cas was using his long fingers to carefully extract a plant from its pot. He placed it gently into the carefully dug hole and covered it with dirt. Dean squinted at the yellow gloves on his friend's hand and snorted when he realized they were decorated with small pictures of bees.   
  
Castiel looked up from his work. "Dean," the angel said in his deep, gruff voice. "Hello."  
  
Dean found himself staring at Castiel's eyes, briefly mesmerized by the way the sun seemed to make them look like a real ocean. He cleared his throat, looking away.   
  
"Hey Cas," he muttered at the ground. "Try to keep this door closed. All this heat is gettin' inside."  
 **  
  
  
  
**  
 **+++  
  
  
  
  
**

**Dean was still laughing as he drove the Impala down the long, dark road with Castiel beside him. The angel didn't seem to understand why Dean thought it was so funny that they had been thrown out of a whore house but he was still smiling, seeming to enjoy Dean's good mood.**   
  
**"Well Chasity is missing out," Dean assured Cas, slapping the angel's thick thigh as they sped down the street.**   
  
**Cas frowned. "She will still have many clients tonight. I am sure she will make an efficient amount of money."**   
  
**"No, I mean she's missing out on you," Dean said, immediately regretting his words.**   
  
**The angel had a small smile on his face as he gazed out the window. "I am not sure a virgin angel would have been a good experience for her. Besides, she wasn't - as you would say - my type."**   
  
**Dean gripped the steering wheel tightly, willing himself not to ask the question that was already coming out of his mouth. "Is that so? The virgin angel has a type now?"**   
  
**"I think so," Cas replied factually. "I am not quite sure what it is, but I don't feel like it was her. She had a nice face," Cas reasoned. "And she was devoted to her job and devotion is a good character trait to possess." When Dean scoffed, Cas turned his gaze to him. "I prefer green eyes."**   
  
**Dean stared at the road, trying to ignore the heat rising up his neck into his cheeks. He grunted in response, afraid to say anything else or to turn and look at Cas who was still staring at him. "Well," he began in a tight voice. "I am sorry my plan failed. Looks like you're probably gonna die a virgin after all."**   
  
**"There are worst things to die as." Dean couldn't disagree with that. "I did, however...."**   
**  
The hunter glanced over at Cas and found the angel had quickly turned his gaze back to the window.**   
  
**"You did what?"**   
  
**Cas shook his head. "It's nothing of import. Physical desires are a distraction."**   
  
**"Come on," Dean found himself saying. "You're probably gonna be dead by this time tomorrow. What did you want? A blow job? Some handsy stuff?"**   
  
**Castiel turned to glare at him. "No!" the angel exclaimed, reminding Dean of an embarrassed teenager instead of a fierce warrior. "I just thought it would be nice...to experience...kissing." Castiel turned back to the window. "I found that I enjoyed hugging and I know kissing is another form of affection humans show each other. Angels do it sometimes as well, but not often."**   
  
**"Oh," Dean replied dumbly. "Uh, I - it is, uh - it can be - it's nice. Kissing," he blurted out.**   
  
**Neither of them spoke after that. The car ride back to the abandoned house was filled with tension. Dean stared pointedly at the road. Every muscle in his body felt tight as he forced himself not to look at the angel. It had been a difficult thing to do over the last year. Ever since Cas had barged into that barn, all lightning and thunder, Dean had been mesmerized by the celestial being. But the tension, the long stares, the absurd lack of personal space - it had all been an easy thing to ignore at first. Dean was well practiced at sweeping things under the rug. But then the angel had to go full on rebel against all of Heaven and risk his life and future, all because of Dean. And yeah - That wasn't so easy to ignore.**

**Dean's thoughts wondered back to Cas' words. Kissing. It wasn't something Dean particularly enjoyed. He preferred the part where he was buried inside something warm and welcoming, but now he was imagining what it would be like to kiss Cas, to feel those pink, puffy lips against his own. He imagined pushing Cas up against a wall, tangling his fingers in that dark hair, earning a sweet moan in response...**  
  
 **By the time they made it to the house, Dean was half hard in his tight jeans. He parked, cut the engine and jumped out of the car immediately. He had to put some distance between them or he was going to do something really stupid.**  
  
 **Cas quietly followed Dean in the house. They stood in silence in the dingy, dark room. Dean turned to Cas to make an excuse about getting his four hours of sleep but the moment he saw those blue eyes shining up at him, so innocent for a billion year old warrior, he knew he was fucked.**  
  
 **Dean's body moved on auto pilot as he invaded Cas' space. He pressed his lips gently against the angel's, earning a surprise gasp. Dean began to pull away, fearing that he had made a mistake but Cas grabbed his arm, pulling him back in and then they were kissing. They kissed like they were dying of thirst and their lips held the last bit of water on the Earth. Dean had not realized how starved his fingers had been for Cas' flesh but now that he had free reign, he could not stop touching Cas everywhere. He ran his fingers through the angel's messy hair, down his broad shoulders, to his sharp hip bones and finally to his plump rear.**  
  
 **"Dean," Cas gasped, gripping his shoulder where the red hand print used to be - where Cas had grabbed Dean and pulled him from hell.**  
  
 **For some reason the act snapped Dean back to reality and he took two steps backwards, stumbling into the rickety table near them. Cas looked utterly fucked out. His hair was sticking straight up and his eyes were glazed over with obvious lust. And Dean didn't have to look down to know that Cas was hard. He still did though, and the sight didn't help calm him down.**  
  
 **"There," Dean choked out. "There was your kiss. Now you can die happy, right?" His joke fell flat. "I need to get some sleep. You, uh - wake me when it's time to go, alright?"**  
  
 **Castiel nodded once and Dean turned to leave the room, trying to ignore the sad look in the angel's eyes.  
** **  
  
  
  
+++**  
  
  
  


Dean was in the kitchen wearing a faded red apron that was definitely _not_ pink. He hummed happily to himself as he pulled a pan from the oven. He was in a good mood - cooking always did that for him. Dean would have liked to spend more time in the kitchen, but it turned out murdering God didn't leave a lot of time to dive into the culinary arts. But now he had more time than he knew what to do with and that meant he had begun cooking dinner at least three times a week. Just recently, he had made a delicious pot roast, baked a chicken pot pie and threw together a bangin' casserole. And of course, he had begrudgingly made some rabbit food for Sam. 

Tonight though, he keeping things simple.

He slid three thick beef burgers on to mismatched plates and scowled at the fourth, which was thinner and full of carrots, beans and spinach. He had made homemade steak fries and a Mediterranean Orzo Salad as side dishes.

Once the food was on the table, he grabbed four beers and yelled, "Come and get it!"

Cas was the first to appear as usual. His face lit up when he saw the burgers. "This looks delicious, Dean."

Heat swirled through Dean's cheeks and he tried not to let his goofy, proud smile break through, but it did anyway. 

"I made the special dip you like too."

Sam and Eileen came into the kitchen looking curiously at the table. 

"Burgers?" Sam asked with obvious disappointment. 

"Don't worry," Dean muttered, taking a seat across from Cas. "I rolled up some grass into a patty for you."

Sam grinned and sat down to eat. 

They didn't talk much as they ate. This was typical when Dean cooked. Sam and Eileen could chat through take-out like it wasn't even there, but when Dean cooked, they spent dinner making quiet happy noises in the back of their throat. 

It definitely stroked his ego. 

Cas let out a groan around his burger. "This is the best burger I've ever had."

Dean hid his smile behind his beer bottle. "Yeah, yeah. You say that every time."

As soon as Sam finished his burger and salad, he said, "So, there may be a case in Oklahoma. Two bodies completely drained of blood. Likely a vampire - maybe two. The deaths were a week apart, so I don't think we are dealing with a nest."

Dean frowned. They had just worked a case in Georgia. Years ago, a two day recovery time would be all he needed, and truthfully, Dean would be itching to get behind the wheel again within the week, but for right now, he had a ton of laundry to do and his knee was still sore from getting thrown around by the last ghost - she had been a tough 92 year old.

The thought of driving hours and irritating his injury didn't sound all that appealing but it was part of the job.  
  
"We can hit the road in the morning then."

Sam quickly looked at Eileen and then back to Dean. "Uh - Me and Eileen were thinking of taking the case. Unless you want in. It's completely fine..."

Dean rubbed his knee in relief. "I'll sit this one out so you two lovebirds can get freaky in a motel. Just be careful."

Eileen laughed. "We will be."

"I wasn't talking to you. You're a good hunter. Sam's the one who needs to be careful." Dean winked at her. "Luckily, he's got an experienced fighter going with him."

Sam rolled his eyes and left the room with Eileen, leaving Dean alone with Cas.   
  
The angel was picking at Sam's remaining fries. 

"Guess it's just me and you for a few days."

Cas smiled up at him. "What would you like to do?"

Dean blinked stupidly. Ever since Cas had moved into the bunker, all the hunter's energy had went into avoiding all the things that were now flooding his brain. "Uh," he began. "Movies. We could watch a few movies. God knows you need to catch up."

Cas stuffed three fries into his mouth, moving on to Eileen's plate. "I suppose this is true." The angel stopped suddenly, eyes lighting up. "Will you make more burgers when we watch the movies?"

Dean snorted and grabbed the plates off the table. He tried to ignore the warmth spreading across his chest.

"One burger for every Western."  
  
  
  
  
 **+++**  
  
  
  


  
**Dean heard Cas' deep voice say, "I'll just wait here then" before he snapped his phone shut and laid down on the uncomfortable hotel bed, still dressed in his jeans and shoes.**   
  
**He was being a dick. Cas didn't deserve to stand out in the dark alone but ever since the night in the abandoned house, when they had - Dean couldn't even think the words. Ever since whatever the fuck _that_ was - Cas hadn't taken his eyes off Dean. Sometimes it felt like Cas was looking at him like a puzzle that he was trying to put together and other times - well, there was something darker in Cas' eyes. Something that hadn't been there before. **   
  
**And Dean, well he had just been helping out a friend who was essentially on his death bed.  
  
Maybe if Cas didn't have a dick swinging between his legs, they could - no, no, no.  
  
Dean shook his head at the thought.  
  
He was too tired to go there tonight.  
**   
  
  
  
**+++**   
  
  
  
  


Dean scrubbed at the oil and grime on his hands. He hadn't planned on working on Baby tonight, but Cas had fallen asleep ten minutes into their movie, leaving him bored and a bit worried. 

Ever since the angel had moved in to the bunker, he had begun sleeping some - just a few hours here and there. Dean thought Cas must enjoy the feeling of nodding off - I mean, who didn't? But then Cas started sleeping regularly, almost like a human. 

Not to mention, Cas wasn't just eating because he liked the taste of Dean's amazing cooking. He genuinely seemed to be hungry. And not that Dean cared, but the other day he noticed a few grey hairs at the top of Cas' head. 

Dean was just drying his hands when Cas appeared in the door with his eyes half open and his hair sticking up in fifty different directions. 

"Dean," the angel croaked, voice thick with sleep. "I'm sorry I missed the movie."

Dean leaned against the counter, admiring how the angel's thick hips filled out his old pajamas. Cas looked at him expectantly and Dean cleared his throat looking away. 

"S'alright, you were tired."

Cas sat down in the near by chair. "Yes, I did stay up late last night."

"See that's where I'm a little confused, Cas, because angels don't need to sleep - or eat. And the other day, I'm pretty sure I heard you peeing, so fill me in because I'm clearly missing something."

Cas gave him a weary look. "I am fine, Dean."

"Are you? Because the last time this happened was when your mojo was weak and you almost died. Should we call Jack?"

Cas looked like he was refraining from rolling his eyes. "Jack has taken over all the responsibilities of Heaven. He does not have time for our problems. Besides, he is aware of - the situation."

"Situation?"

"My grace is - limited now, Dean. Jack said I could keep it - offered to restore it in full actually, but I wanted to experience humanity."

"So you're....human?"

"Yes and no. While my full abilities are gone, I do have remnants of them. Something Jack did for me. It has helped me transition into a mortal being, and will stay with me until I die." Cas cast him a worried look. "I still have some powers. I can heal and I can tap into the angel radio if I wished."

"That means your mortal?" Dean rubbed at his scruff. "How long do you have before -"

Cas shrugged. "Does anyone really know?"

Dean blinked in surprise. "So, this isn't a death sentence? You're just gonna get gray hairs and arthritis and croak when your an old man, like the rest of us? Why? Jack was going to let you be his right hand man. You could live forever! See everything, do everything! But you wanna give that all up to eat burgers and watch movies you don't even like?"

Cas fixed him with a squinty, resolute glare. "Among other things."

"Cas, that's -"

"My decision," the dark haired man finished. "Unless your offer has rescinded and you prefer I find other living -"

"No!" Dean barked quickly. "I just - I don't want you giving up too much."

"That's why I'm here. So I don't give up too much."  
  
  
  
  
 **+++**  
  
  
  
  
  
 **2014 was a fucked up time.  
  
Sam was gone, most of the planet had turned into zombies, there was no toilet paper, Cas had mentally checked out and 2014 Dean was a complete douche.**  
  
 **After receiving almost no information about the mission at hand, Dean had piled into a truck with Cas, driving to the place Lucifer was believed to have hunkered down in. It was a suicide mission and he had said that but the other Dean made it crystal clear that he didn't give a damn what he thought.**

**Dean tried bringing this up with Cas as they drove but he soon realized something was incredibly off with the angel. That's when his friend told him that he actually wasn't an angel anymore. Cas had lost all of his powers when the angels left and now he was filling the empty hole in his chest with drugs and women, just like Dean had taught him.**   
  
**"That's just how I roll," Cas said with a lopsided grin that somehow made him look sad.**   
  
**Dean shook his head. "Dude, you're not hopeless. You're human. And it sucks you lost your mojo but you're here with me - well him - when everyone else is gone. That's big."**   
  
**The grinned slipped from Castiel's face and for the first time since arriving, Dean saw a glimpse of his old friend return.**   
  
**"That's nice of you to say," Cas reasoned, voice tight. "I don't think it's a sentiment your doppelganger would agree with. He finds me utterly useless - I can't heal him, can't help him find Sam. I'm only good for -"**   
  
**"For what?" Dean questioned.**   
  
**The sad grin returned to Cas' face. "A quick fuck, Dean. That's what I am good for."**   
  
**Dean choked on the air travelling down his throat. Cas leaned over to slap one his large hands across Dean's back.**   
  
**"Excuse me?"**   
  
**Cas laughed, this time it almost sounded genuine. "I suppose it is strange to hear about your gay antics, but yes, me and your counterpart have been sleeping together for quite some time. Although that makes it sound much more romantic than it really is."**   
  
**Dean felt dizzy. Out of all the things happening in this world, this had to be one of the strangest. He was sleeping with Cas? Well, the other version of him. He had seen Cas naked, fucked him - or maybe Dean was the one who got fucked. He wasn't going to ask.**   
  
**"So, I'm not a romantic, huh?" Dean asked, trying for nonchalant.**   
  
**Cas almost giggled but there was no trace of joy in the sound. "Oh, don't feel bad. I'm sure you are just fine right now. It's my Dean - this world's Dean," Cas corrected, face twitching slightly. "It's usually after a rough hunt - when the women won't fill his needs. He comes into my tent and does what he needs to do and then he leaves, and he refuses to talk about it. I tried...Once I really tried...I ended up with a bruise the size of Australia across my face."**

**Dean's stomach rolled. "He hits you? Is this - consensual? Am I - is he -"**   
  
**"Forcing me?" Cas asked calmly. "No. I consent to it all."**   
  
**"Why?" Dean asked incredulously.**   
  
**Cas turned to look Dean in the eyes and for a moment, his Cas was staring at him. "Because I love him. I have always loved him."  
  
  
  
  
  
+++**   
  
**  
  
  
**

Sam took a long drink from his beer, hands still dirty from his hunt. He hissed lowly as Dean finished the last stitch. The eldest Winchester shot him a grin and softly placed a bandage over his brother's wound. The cut wasn't too bad but it was deep and on his wrist, so better safe than sorry. 

"Guess your reflexes aren't as good as they used to be, huh?" Dean asked smugly, as he gently applied tape to the clean linen. "Old age is a bitch, Sammy."

Sam glared at him. "Do you hear the noise you make when you stand up? It's like listening to a tired walrus."

"A tired Walrus?" 

Dean turned and found Cas and Eileen had entered the room. 

"Are you okay?" Eileen asked in concern.

Sam smiled at her reassuringly. "It's just a little sore."

Dean flashed Eileen a wolfish smile that he knew would annoy Sam. "I heard you got the killing blow on both vamps. Very impressive. This one could learn a thing or two from you." 

"Sam saved me twice," she shot back, pulling a smug expression from his little brother. 

Cas was still staring at Dean with a quizzical look.  
  
"We don't have a walrus, dude."

"I know that," the angel muttered, but there was obvious disappointment in his eyes. "But we do have a case."

Sam groaned. "Already?"

"One day of hard work and you already want a vacation. What did you find, Cas?"

"Eileen was contacted actually," Cas said, giving the brunette an appreciative smile. "Some newbie hunters heard she was hunting vampires. They found four bodies drained of blood."

"More vamps?" he asked, grabbing a beer for himself. "This ain't Sunnydale. Wish it was though - Buffy is a babe."

Cas and Sam let out a remarkably similar sigh. 

"These cases were different," Cas pressed on. "The victims had been missing for months and one was still alive. He was taken to the hospital but died, not because of blood loss but because of blood poisoning."

"A Djinn," Sam reasoned. He turned to Dean. "Your turn?"

Dean felt the familiar itch of an open road calling him. "Yeah, why not. You're obviously too rusty to handle something like this. I got it."

"I'll go with you," Cas offered but Dean immediately shook his head. 

"I don't need backup for one Djinn."

Sam's eyebrows furrowed and Dean already knew what the next words out of his mouth would be. "Dean, that's stupid. A Djinn has gotten the jump on you before."

"I'll be fine," Dean replied stubbornly even though Sam was right. It was stupid to fight a Djinn alone, but Cas wasn't an experienced hunter - at least without his powers. And he didn't want the angel going out and getting himself killed over one monster, especially now that Cas had revealed just how vulnerable he was.

Cas glared at him. "It would be better if I accompany you."

Sam looked from Dean to Cas and sunk into his chair, body language screaming, _that's your fight, not mine._

Dean cleared his throat. "Cas, don't you want to stay with your garden? Where it's safe? Considering you're all mortal and stuff now." He looked at Sam, expecting a big reaction but he didn't get it. The son of a bitch already knew. 

Before Dean could snap at his little brother, Cas walked forward with defiance in his eyes. He put a finger on Sam's wound and one glowing light later, it was healed. 

"I have fought wars before you were even a thought in your mother's brain. Do not treat me like a fragile child."

Sam grinned while Dean shifted uncomfortably - because, _damn_ Cas was hot when he got all stoic and angry. 

"Whatever," the hunter muttered, avoiding Cas' eyes. "Let's go then."  
  
  
  
  
  
 **+++**  
  
  
  
  


**Dean was pissed. Pissed and worried. Cas was standing in front of him trying to convince Dean that his little Bonnie and Clyde act with Crowley was perfectly normal, but Dean knew Crowley. He knew the demon was cunning and manipulative, and no, Cas wasn't a dumb ass, but he was naive. And too trusting.**

**They stood in Bobby's living room surrounded by sigils meant to keep Cas out of the house. Dean's stomach had churned while he made them.**

**"Don't do this," Dean pleaded for the millionth time that night. When Cas merely sighed and looked away, Dean's face hardened. "IF you do this - if you keep working with Crowley - me and you are done, got it?"**

**Cas met Dean's harsh gaze with softness. "Dean," he nearly whispered. "Can't you see I'm doing this for you? To protect you? You think you can fight anything but this is different. You would do anything to protect Sam or Bobby, and I would do anything to protect you. That's what you do for the people -"**

**Dean swiftly turned from Cas. He couldn't hear those words come from those lips. Not directed at him at least.**

**"Just go," Dean barked, hating the way his voice trembled.**

**Many days later, Dean held the angel's dirty trench coat to his chest and cursed Heaven.**

**He gently lay the coat in the trunk of the Impala and patted it once. He would give this back to Cas one day. He knew it.** _  
  
  
  
  
  
_**+++  
  
  
** _  
_**  
**

"Dude, focus!"  
  
Cas turned him attention back to Dean, a pout forming on his puffy, chapped lips.   
  
"Any shirt will do," Cas snapped, clearly irritated.  
  
Dean narrowed his eyes. "You're the one who forgot to pack the dress shirt. We can't exactly go to the morgue tomorrow with you in my Led Zepplin shirt!"  
  
"This one," the blue eyed man said with disinterest. He had grabbed the nearest white button up.

Dean snatched it from Cas' hand and walked to the check out stand, peaking down at the size to make sure it would fit Cas. It would be a bit snug but it'd do the job. Dean smiled at the cute cashier, flirting lightly with her as he swiped his card.

"Dean."

He turned to Cas and found the angel next to the rack of spinning sunglasses. He was wearing a pair of silver aviators.

Dean's mouth suddenly felt dry as he took in the sight.

"How do I look?" Cas asked. His head was tilted and despite not being able to see his eyes, Dean had a feeling that he was squinting.

"Hot."

Dean turned and glared at the cashier who was giving Cas an appreciative once over. The women flashed her pearly whites at Cas and suddenly Dean found her unappealing. "Those look great on you," she assured. 

Cas barely had time to smile at her before Dean threw down a few extra dollars for the shades and pushed him to the door. 

They didn't say much as they sped to their hotel, but Dean was still fuming from the brief interaction and when he glanced at Cas, he found his friend staring smugly out the window.  
  
  
  
  
 **+++  
  
  
  
**  
  
 **"Where's the angel?" Dean had lost track of how many times he had asked this question to all the evil sons of bitches in purgatory.**

**This time he got an answer. By the water, the monster had said before Dean sliced him open. He was close to Cas. He just had to follow the stream.**

**"Cas, I'm coming," Dean prayed softly. "Don't worry. We're gonna get out of here."**

**He trudged through the dirt and grime of purgatory towards the lake. Dean had lost track of how long they had been in here. He had spent many nights curled up in the softest dirt pile he could find, shaking from the unearthly chill surrounding him.**

**He prayed to Cas every night. He would tell Cas where he was, give him updates on the monsters he and Benny had ganked that day. And when Dean felt particularly lonely, he would pray to Cas about Sam, about missing burgers, about how he wanted to take Cas to the best burger place he had ever been to. It was in Macon, Georgia. If the humidity didn't kill you, the grease from the triple beef baconator would. Dean promised Cas it would be worth it though. He promised Cas they would go anywhere he wanted, do anything he wanted...**

**But no matter what Dean said in his prayers, Cas never appeared. However, after Dean finished talking, he was always filled with a shimmering warmth. It surrounded him like a cloud and eased his sore muscles. He didn't know if his brain was playing a trick on him to convince him he wasn't freezing, but whatever the case, it was the only reason Dean could get any rest.**

**But there would be no more desperate, unanswered prayers, because through the clearing, in the middle of the eerily lifeless trees, he could see Cas. He was coated in mud and blood, and was sporting a beard.**

**Dean had thought something got the jump on Cas and that was how they got separated but as it turned out Cas knew exactly where Dean was, had even heard his prayers. The sting of Cas' betrayal made Dean see red. He could feel all the pent up rage boiling to the surface when the angel said, "I've been staying one step ahead of them to - to keep them from you."**

**Dean's anger fizzled out faster than it came. Cas had been fighting those things all alone to keep him safe? It was staggering to hear those words. He wanted to hug his friend again, touch him just to feel that he was solid and really there, but Benny cleared his throat and said that they should keep going. Dean and Cas muttered their agreements and made their way to the portal.**

**They walked for hours - Cas with his eyes on the trees and Dean with his eyes on Cas. Something was off. Cas didn't seem happy that they were reunited. He did not speak to Dean or Benny as they walked.**

**Exhaustion began to creep through Dean's body. He had walked three hours straight with Benny before they had found Cas, and hunted down an endless stream of monsters to get information.**

**He let out a soft groan as a sharp pain radiated down his knee to his ankle.**

**Cas stopped immediately. "We should rest here for the night."**

**Dean shook his head. "Nah, we keep going."**

**Cas placed a hand on Dean's shoulder gently. "You're worn out, Dean. The portal will likely be guarded by Leviathan. They will be on guard to ensure I do not escape. If we are going to defeat them, we will need our rest."**

**Dean knew Cas was saying "we" to stroke his ego because Cas didn't look tired at all.**

**"Not the worst idea," Benny reasoned. "My feet could use a rest."**

**That was how Dean found him laying on his back, spending what he hoped would be his last night in purgatory. Benny was snoring lightly from ten feet away and Cas was sitting on a tree trunk carefully watching the dark trees. The angel glanced over at Dean and they made eye contact through the fog.**

**"You should rest, Dean."**

**"I'm trying," Dean muttered. "Purgatory dirt ain't exactly a five star suite."**

**Cas' lips pulled upwards into the tiniest of smiles. "I could put you under for a few hours."**

**"No!" Dean barked, too loudly. Benny grunted in his sleep and Cas watched the clearing carefully, but nothing came.**

**"Sorry," Dean muttered. "I just need to be alert in case something shows up."**

**"I will protect you," Castiel promised. When Dean shot him an incredulous look, Cas sighed. "At the very least, I will warm you."**

**And Dean felt that strange glowing warmth surround his body like a hug. He gasped softly. "You're the one whose been heating me up every night?"**

**Cas turned away, refocusing his attention on the trees. "You may be in a world of monsters but you're human, Dean. No human could survive purgatory's temperatures at night. Not even a Winchester."**

**Dean knew he shouldn't touch the subject with a ten foot pole but he said, "You always did it after I prayed." Castiel's stony expression softened some. "Why didn't you answer, Cas? You could have told me what you were doing."**

**"Would it have stopped you from looking for me?"**

**"No, but it would've been nice to know you weren't in some beast's belly!" Dean replied in an angry whisper.**

**Cas looked down at his feet. "I am sorry, Dean. I wanted to be with you. The Leviathan have been relentless and my powers are weakened by this place. Hearing your prayers - it was the only - the only thing that gave me any peace of mind. Your voice..."**

**Cas trailed off. Dean's fingers itched to find their way to Cas - to hold him, to take the sadness out of his eyes for a moment. But he didn't. They were already in a mess, no need to make it even messier.**

**A silence fell between them but it wasn't comfortable.**

**It was thick with things neither of them had ever tried to give a name to.**   
  
**Things Dean had got awfully close to approaching in his prayers.**

**Dean tried to squeeze his eyes shut and focus on anything else but the warm body sitting a few feet from his own, but the hard Earth beneath him gave him no reprieve.**

**He sat up, groaning as a sharp pain shot up his side. "Alright, put me under. But come closer. I want you in arm's length so you can wake me up if something comes."**

**Dean laid back on the dirt, turning on his side with his arms folded uncomfortably across his chest. He knew it was a lame excuse and that in reality the angel could be by his side in less than a second but Dean needed him to be closer and this was all he could ask for.**

**He didn't hear Cas moving until the angel was right beside him. Dean expected a quick poke to his forehead and then lights out but then he felt a long body running along the length of his arm.**

**"What the hell?" Dean asked louder than he should have. Cas was laying down beside him. "What are you doing?" Dean barked in surprise.**

**Cas seemed unfazed. "You said to come closer."**

**"I didn't mean to make me your little spoon!" Dean replied sharply. Cas scooted back a few more inches. Dean glanced over at the angel and almost laughed. Cas looked awkward laying down in his stiff trench coat.**

**Dean opened his mouth to tease him but Cas placed a soothing hand on his cheek. "Sleep now, Dean."**

**Consciousness left Dean immediately. Normally sleep was not Dean's friend. He usually dreamed of hell fire, of hooks digging into his skin and knives slicing open his flesh. Other times his brain would drudge up memories of Sam taking a knife into his back or his mom going up in flames. The dreams had gotten worse since coming to this place but tonight, Dean had no dreams. He slept peacefully on the hard ground that somehow felt as soft as a cloud. His mind was beautifully blank, floating through a pink haze.**

**When Dean awoke, he felt both groggy and well rested. His body was rejuvenated but his mind was still a bit foggy as he tried to process his surroundings. Creepy trees, check. Funny odor, check. He was definitely still in Purgatory but he wasn't laying in the dirt. He was on something solid yet soft. Something that was moving slightly. He assessed his body and found his head was on Cas' shoulder and one arm and one leg were thrown over the angel's body. He must have rolled on top of him in the middle of the night. Dean lifted his head and yeap - he definitely had drooled on the trench coat.**

**"Sorry to wake you," Cas said in a tight voice, keeping his head turned pointedly away from Dean. "I sensed some movement about 8 miles away. We should probably head to the portal."**

**Dean dropped his head back to Cas' shoulder. He knew he should be freaked out by their close proximity but his brain was fuzzy from such a deep sleep. "Yeah, okay..."**

**Cas turned to face Dean. "I tried to move you but..."**

**Dean glanced up and found the angel's face was just a few inches from his own. Cas' blue eyes were wide and slightly fearful as they took in their proximity. The dizziness started to clear from Dean's mind and he gulped, hating how audible the sound was. Cas had a bad habit of standing too close but this was different. They had never been horizontal and intertwined with so little space between them.**

**They stared at each other for a long moment and then Dean felt himself moving forward. They met in the middle, lips clashing together roughly. Cas whimpered in Dean's mouth and the hunter swallowed it whole. Dean knew he should feel ashamed, but laying in the middle of the world of monsters, two men kissing didn't seem like the worst thing.**

**Dean gripped Cas tightly enough to leave bruises, if Cas could actually bruise. Cas kissed him sloppily at first, stumbling over the movements but after a few tries the angel seemed to understand, and then he was licking into Dean's mouth like he was eating an ice cream cone. Dean found himself moaning, gripping the back of Cas' hair tightly. In one swift movement, Cas flipped them so he was on top of Dean.**

**Their bodies melted together, hands exploring every bit of each other's body they could get to. It wasn't long before they were both hard in their pants. When Cas' hard dick rubbed against Dean's, he hissed and threw his head back. Cas followed the movement and attacked Dean's neck with his tongue.**

**"Oh God," he whimpered. "Cas..."**

**The angel ground his hips down into Dean's and this time the moan that left Dean's mouth was much louder than it should have been. Cas slapped a large hand across Dean's mouth - and _hello, new kink_. Dean moaned against Cas' skin, feeling like he could come in his pants like a teenager. **

**The sharp break of a twig from their left brought Cas and Dean to a halt. Dean glanced over at Benny and found the vampire had sat up and started rubbing his eyes. Dean pushed against Cas' heavy body and the angel was off him in a second.**

**When Benny turned to looked at them, Dean could only imagine the sight. He was still on the ground, neck shiny with saliva, chest falling rapidly with an obvious tent in his pants and Cas was sitting near him with wild, dilated eyes and his hair sticking up in every direction from where Dean had been fisting it.**

**"Uh," Benny started. "We should...we should get going."**

**Dean jumped up, grabbed his weapon and nodded. He couldn't bring himself to look over at Cas. "Yeah, okay."** _  
  
  
  
  
_**+++  
  
** _  
_

"It's not far," a familiar voice said from the other side of the door.

Dean pulled out his gun, pressing an ear to his hotel room. From inside he heard Cas say, "But you said just a moment ago that we wouldn't hear back until tomorrow."

Dean paused in confusion. Who the hell was Cas talking to? Had he invited someone into their hotel room during Dean's brief trip to the gas station? Dean listened carefully as the familiar voice continued. 

"I charmed the coroner on the phone," the voice said. "I am pretty charming, aren't I?"

Jealousy swirled in Dean's stomach as he heard Cas laugh. It was a rare sound and he didn't like that it was being pulled out of him by some douche with bad pick-up lines. 

Dean listened intently, trying to decide if he could burst in guns blazing or wait. A few moments ticked by and the room was silent. Then a muffled groan leaked through the cheap door frame and without hesitation he opened the door, pointing his gun straight ahead. 

He found Cas pressed back on one of the rickety wooden tables with a tall male between his legs. Cas was holding tightly onto to the man's sandy brown hair and moaning into his mouth. The angel's cock had been pulled out of his pants and the stranger was fisting it aggressively. 

Dean only had a moment to feel sick to his stomach and then the stranger pulled away, obviously sensing another presence in the room. 

Dean gasped as he saw his own face staring up at him. He looked at Cas, who staring blankly at the pair of them. Dean could see a light green mist hovering between them and realized this was the Djinn, and the creature was trying to get its poison into Cas. 

The monster hissed at Dean and bolted for the door but it wasn't fast enough. Dean fired three rounds into its chest and two into its head. The creature let out a terrible scream before falling dead to the floor. 

Despite all his years of experience, the interaction still had spiked Dean's adrenaline. He could hear his heart beating in his ears. He took a few deep breaths to steady himself and then looked at Cas, who had turned away to tuck himself inside his pants. 

"Cas..."

"I'm fine!" the angel snapped, not making eye contact with him as he turned. "Let's dispose of the body."  
  
  
  
  
+++  
  
  
  
 **  
**

**Dean didn't know which pain to focus on - the pounding in his eyes, the broken bones or his throbbing eye that was far too swollen to properly see out of.**

**Another blow landed across his face. With his good eye, Dean could see a splatter of blood fly from the mouth. His teeth felt loose enough to fall out of his gums.**

**Cas stood above him, expressionless. No anger, no regret - just a blank face.**

**Something was wrong. This wasn't Cas. The angel pulled out his long angel blade and Dean began to plead.**

**"Cas, we're family," he groaned, as pain radiated through every part of his body. "We need you. I need you."**

**I love you. The words entered his brainless effortlessly. And if he was going to die, he wanted to say it once, but Cas lowered the blade and came towards him.**

**Dean cowarded in a way he hadn't since hell. He couldn't take more pain. He would rather have death. But then Castiel's long hand cupped Dean's cheek and the pain was gone. It was like it had never been there in the first place.**

**Sad blue eyes stared down at him. "Dean..."** _  
_**  
  
  
  
+++  
  
  
  
**

Baby's wipers were working hard to flick the rain drops out of Dean's way, but not even she could keep the down pour from clouding his vision. Dean seriously considered pulling over and waiting out the storm. He knew it was going to be bad. Every weather station was sending out warnings to stay inside. He thought it would be fine to run into the store for some booze and jerky, but by the time he came out, there was nearly four inches of rain on the ground. 

He had hauled ass to get to the bunker but he got himself caught in the middle of the storm. 

Dean cursed, squinting through the rain spattered wind shield, barely able to see the road. His phone was ringing off the hook - Cas and Sam were probably calling to see where the hell he was but Dean couldn't take his eyes off the already blurry road, especially not when the rain turned into thick chunks of hail. 

"C'mon! I just repainted her!" Dean growled, slapping the steering wheel. The car almost spun out but Dean managed to keep it under control. 

He arrived at the bunker, taking the back entrance to hide Baby in the garage. Dean had just stepped out of his car when two large hands made contact with his chest, knocking him back into the door. 

"Ow!" he yelled down at Cas, who was staring at him like an angry bull. 

"We were worried," the former warrior of God growled out. "You complete ass. Why would you go out in this storm? Sam hasn't stopped pacing back and forth. We almost went out to find you!"

"Woah, woah," Dean replied, throwing his arms up in surrender. "I'm sorry, okay? I didn't know -"

But his words were cut off as Cas crashed into him, hugging him tightly. "I can't sense you anymore, Dean. If you get lost, I can't find you. You have to -"

Dean's first instinct was to unravel himself from his friend, but then the memory of the Djinn forced its way into his mind. He remembered the way it had tricked Cas, had used his face to lure the angel into submission and trust. The Djinn's violation had weighed on Cas for weeks, even though he tried to hide it. Cas hadn't been able to look Dean in the eye for a long while but now he was wrapped around Dean's body tightly. The hunter returned the gesture. He wrapped his arms around Cas, deeply inhaling the man's scent.  
  
"I'll be safe," he promised against his friend's ear. Dean didn't miss the way Cas' arms exploded into goosebumps. "I promise."  
  
  
  
  
 **+++**  
  
  
  
  
 **Dean drummed his fingers against the Impala, staring inside the small gas station at the man in the blue vest. Because Cas was in fact a man now. Completely human and all alone in the world, because of him.**

**Dean wanted Cas at the bunker. He wanted him to be safe, to learn how to eat and drink and take a piss just like the rest of them. He wanted to know that Cas was under the same roof as him - sleeping, safe.**

**But Gadreel said either Cas relocated or he would let Sam die. Dean could still see the pain in Cas' eyes when he told him he had to go.**

**Dean had been worried sick about Cas since he left. How could a billion year old celestial being with the power to get what he needed with a snap of his finger, survive living as a human with only the $700 Dean had stuffed into his pocket?**

**Dean had another wad of money in his jeans that he had planned to give him, but that was not the only reason he was here.**   
  
**He needed to see him. Needed to make sure he was okay.**   
  
**And damn it, he missed the angel.  
  
  
  
  
+++**   
  
  
  


"A chess tournament?" Dean asked incredulously. "There's gotta be something better to do!"

Sam scowled as he opened one of his White Claws. He passed a lemon flavor seltzer to Cas, who accepted it eagerly. "There's a flood outside and tornado warnings comin' and goin'. We can't exactly have a picnic."

Dean eyed the angel in annoyance as Cas took a long drink from the can Sam had given him, making a pleased noise. "We could watch a movie," Cas suggested. "But that typically ends up with you two fighting."

"Because Sam hates good movies!" Dean barked as Sam said, "Because I am not obsessed with terrible dialogue and cheesy action scenes!"

The Winchesters glared at each other. 

"We could play cards?" Cas suggested. 

Dean considered this and took a swig from his bottle. "Egyptian Rat Screw. I'm dealer."

An hour later, Dean's hands were raw from slapping the wooden table and he was pleasantly buzzed. Sam's drink was forgotten while the youngest Winchester let his attention drift from the game to the weather. 

"Tornado touched down twice 20 miles from here," Sam reported. "Storm seems to be moving on but we are gonna have a flood warning til the morning."

"Do you ever stop?" Dean asked as he shuffled the cards. "Best three out of five?"

Cas giggled at this. "You've already lost four times."

Dean assessed Cas' lopsided grin and drooping posture. The angel looked up at him with squinty, dazed eyes. 

"Are you drunk?" the hunter asked. 

Cas snorted into his drink, nearly sliding off his chair. With practiced stealth, Sam slid the bottle from his hands. "I think it's bed time."

"I got him. Go to your woman," Dean said with a dismissive wave. "I'm sure your hair scares away all the monsters under her bed."

Sam rolled his eyes and left the room, grumbling.

Dean focused his attention on Cas who was staring up at the ceiling. "You alright, Buddy?"

"The room," Cas muttered. "It keeps going in a circle. Like a carousel." Cas fixed him with an intense stare. "Have you ever been on a carousel?"

Dean groaned as he stood up (definitely not like a tired Walrus) and put one of Cas' arms over his neck. It was nice feeling - helping Cas because he was drunk and not because they were about to die. He hoisted the angel out of the chair and said, "Once. I got to a new school just as they were having a trip to the zoo. I had three slushies and puked on the fake tiger. Not one of my finest moments."

Cas snickered as Dean led him to his room. "I want a slushy."

"Me and you both, Pal." Dean balanced Cas on his shoulder as he opened the door to the angel's room. It was almost bare. His clothes were in a neat pile on the dresser and all of his possessions were filed away in a brown box. Dean frowned, wondering why Cas hadn't bothered to unpack or decorate. "I need to call Queer Eye for you, man."

Dean dropped Cas on to his bed. The angel smiled playfully as Dean stripped off his shoes, socks and pants. 

"At least take me on a date first," Cas muttered. 

Dean snorted at the unexpected joke. "Don't worry. I'd never take advantage of someone drunk. I like my partners to be willing."

As quick as lightning, Dean found himself yanked down on to the angel. One of Cas' powerful hands gripped his shoulder. 

"Drunk or not, you should know I'm willing." Cas, blue eyes almost looked clear as they boar into Dean's. There was no sign of laughter in his voice. 

"Cas..."

The angel leaned up and pressed a hard kiss to Dean's lips. Dean groaned in surprise and Cas took the opportunity to push his tongue into the hunter's mouth. Dean's brain short circuited for a moment because - angel, hot, no pants, long tongue. 

Drunk. Very drunk, Dean's brain reminded him. 

He pushed Cas back onto the bed. Cas closed his eyes immediately, not fighting him. 

"Go to bed."

"And if I asked you to stay, you would say something about honor and not taking advantage of a drunk, fallen angel?"

Dean chuckled. "Yeah, something like that."

Cas smiled and rolled on to his side. "That's why I love you."

Dean's eyes popped open comically wide. He stumbled out of Cas' room, tripping over the air. He damn near sprinted down the hall to his own room. 

"Drunk," he mumbled. "He's just drunk."

But that didn't change how tight Dean's chest felt from hearing Cas say those words.  
  
  
  
  
 **+++**  
  
  
  
  


**"You didn't have to get me a room."**

**Of all the human things Cas could learn, of course he started with pride.**

**"Look," Dean began, toeing off his boots. "You just got your ass kicked and used as a babysitter. Lemme do one nice thing."**

**Cas stared blankly at Dean. "Why are you taking your shoes off?"**

**Dean groaned as he sunk down in the nearby chair. "I don't always sleep with them on."**

**"You're staying...here?" Cas gestured around the room. "There's only one bed."**

**Dean suddenly felt stupid. "I didn't plan on driving all the way back to the bunker tonight," he snapped, sliding his boot back on. "But I guess I'll see you -"**

**Cas gently walked between Dean and the door. "That's not what I meant, Dean. I don't want you to go. I was just....surprised. Customarily, you and Sam book a room with two beds."**

**Dean let his defensive pose melt some. "Yeah, well. It's different."**

**Cas may have been human but his eyes still looked otherworldly. "Yes," he agreed quietly. "It is different."**

**Dean found himself staring at Cas for too long. He always stared too long, but tonight there was an electricity in the air. One bed, two bodies. Cas' body, Dean reminded his downstairs brain. It didn't seem to register the problem.**

**Dean cleared his throat and looked away. "I uh - I got the one bed because it was cheaper. I booked it for two weeks." He stared at the ground feeling shame swirl in his cheeks. "I would have booked it longer but that's all the cash I had. I hope - I hope it helps for a while."**

**"Dean, it's not your job..."**

**"But it is," Dean snapped.**

**He glanced up and found Cas had moved closer. He was so clearly human now. His shoulders hunched, his skin tanned, his hair soft and wavy.**

**"I'll take the pullout bed." Dean turned before they could resume their staring contest. Nothing was going to happen tonight. Purgatory had been bad enough - Cas had tried to talk about it and Dean wrote it off. "Who doesn't mess around in a den of monsters?" he had said as lightheartedly as he could manage through clenched teeth. Cas didn't fight him or call him out. He had just nodded and dropped the subject.**

**"We can share the bed," Cas reasoned in his gravelly voice. Dean closed his eyes, steadying himself, because - yeap, that was how every one of his fantasies usually started.**

**Dean put on a fake smile as he turned. "I like my wiggle room."**

**Sadness crawled across Cas' face, making residence in his eyes. The former angel said nothing, just nodded and left for the bathroom.**

**Dean slept on the cot that night, listening to Cas' gentle snores. He tried not to think about what it would be like to crawl in bed and wrap his hands around Cas' warm body but when he finally did fall asleep, that's all he dreamed about.  
  
  
  
** _  
_

**+++**   
  
  
  
  


It was well past noon when Dean finally stumbled groggily into the kitchen, staring at the coffee maker with blurred vision. He groaned in relief when he saw it was full. _  
  
_Sam already seemed to be reading his mind, because from the other side of the room his little brother said, "I just made a fresh batch of coffee."  
  
"God damn, saint," Dean muttered, immediately helping himself to a cup. The first sip tasted like ecstasy.   
  
"So," Sam began.  
  
Dean shook his head, holding tightly on to his cup. "No talk until drink."  
  
"A caveman could made a better sentence than that."  
  
Dean grumbled into his cup but didn't reply. He took another deep drink of the dark liquid as the previous night's events unfolded in his mind. There had been a pretty nasty storm, but looking through the few windows that were close enough to ground level to reveal the sky, it seemed to have passed.   
  
But a storm wasn't the only thing Dean remembered.   
  
He remembered Cas had been pretty drunk. He remembered the angel had kissed him. It was the first time Cas had ever done that. Well, in a sense. Of course, they had kissed before - had come with each other's names pouring out of their mouths actually - but Cas never initiated. He typically just went along with Dean's actions. Last night had been different. Last night Cas had taken control, had said things...  
  
"I assume Cas is throwing up somewhere?" he asked, trying to push the intrusive memories from his mind.   
  
Sam's eyebrows knitted together. "He's outside. The storm really messed up his garden. He's been working on it for hours."  
  
Dean suddenly felt wide awake. Shit. He hadn't thought about Cas' garden. It must have been blown away from the storm. If he hadn't been racing back in the Impala he would have thought to help Cas cover it. And vice versa, Cas probably would have thought to do something to protect it if he hadn't been so worried about getting Dean home.   
  
Without another word, Dean sat his coffee down and walked quickly to the backyard. He grimaced as he opened the backdoor. The scene before him was just as bad as Dean had expected.   
  
A huge chunk of Cas' plants and flowers had been blown away or fully uprooted. Mud and roots littered the ground, along with broken clay pots and empty bags of manure. Dean found Cas gently urging a large green plant back into the Earth. When Cas turned, Dean saw the angel's face was twisted with worry.   
  
"Cas -"  
  
"It's a mess," Cas reported sadly. "I've done my best to save what I could, but over half of the garden is gone. The hanging baskets blew almost a mile away and the poor plants that weren't big enough to leave their pots, were completely destroyed. The lavender bush completely uprooted and the tomato plants are severely damaged - so much so that my grace couldn't even repair them."  
  
Dean wanted to reprimand Cas for using his limited abilities on a freakin' plant, but he knew it wasn't the right time. Instead he knelt down beside Cas.   
  
"How can I help?"  
  
Cas' worried eyes left the garden and found his. The angel's face slowly pulled into a smile and Dean fucking melted with it. 

"I need some supplies."

Without hesitation, or more coffee, Dean grabbed his keys and headed toward the nearest Home Depot.  
  
  
  
  
  
 **+++**  
  
  
  
  


**Dean stumbled into the kitchen for another beer. He was surprised to find Sam sitting at the table drinking one himself. Usually his brother would be asleep by now.**

**"No beauty rest for you, huh?"**

**Sam fiddled with the label on his beer. "Hard to sleep. It was a crazy day."**

**"We've had crazier," Dean replied, popping the top off his beer and joining Sam.**

**"I guess. But it's not every day that your brother almost gets murdered by an army of angels." The pair exchanged looks and Sam chuckled lightly. "Okay, maybe it is every day. I guess, I am just worried about what we do now. Metatron is still out there. Cas is so weak. We lost the army..."**

**"Because of that bitch, Hannah," Dean muttered into his bottle.**

**"Cas sleeping now?"**

**"Yeah. He's exhausted."**

**Sam's brow furrowed as he took a swig. "Dean, what he did for you -"**

**"Yeah, I know."**

**"That was pretty big," Sam pressed on, fixing Dean with a hard stare. "It wasn't just an army. That was his last big chance at getting his juice back. He may have given up his life for you tonight."**

**Dean's stomach churned. "I get it, Sam. What do you want me to do? Bake him brownies for not stabbing me to death?"**

**Sam's lips pressed tightly together in obvious aggravation. Dean took a swig to prepare himself for the come back.**

**"I'm just saying," Sam continued carefully. "It's not the first time he's done something like this. He rebelled against Heaven, killed his own kind, fought war after war....and he did it all for -"**

**"Us," Dean finished.**

**"You," Sam corrected. "Everything he's done has been for you, Dean. Cas would do anything for you."**

**Dean's chest tightened as Sam said the words Dean tried to never think out loud. His little brother stared at him expectantly and Dean knew exactly what he was trying to say but he did not want to have this conversation right now.**

**"Cas is a good guy," Dean said after a long pause. "You know, when he's not making deals with the devil, releasing Leviathan on Earth, running away with the angel tablet and then losing it because he didn't trust me! He trusted those angels though, huh? He trusted that Hannah, who tried to get him to kill me." Dean didn't realize how angry he was until he started. "And he's such a good guy that he disappears for weeks, not answering his phone or my prayers, and comes back and dumps even more problems on our door."**

**Dean stood up, draining the rest of his beer. "So whatever you're getting at, don't. I'm going to bed."**

**Dean was at the door frame when Sam said, "Dean, we've all made deals with the devil. Hell, I was hooked on demon's blood and set Lucifer free. Cas has made mistakes but he's one of us and he needs us - needs you. I don't know how much time he has left."**

**Dean gripped the door frame. Pain rippled through his chest at Sam's words.**

**"Wake me up before noon."  
  
  
  
  
**   
_+++  
  
  
  
  
_

"Hello, Dean."

The hunter looked up from his book to find Cas standing in his doorway. The dark haired man was dressed in baggy plaid pajamas and the old Zepplin shirt that Dean had given him. Something about the look made Dean's brain short circuit for a moment. 

"Uh - hey Cas."

Cas entered his room with a DVD case in his hand. He sat it on the edge of Dean's bed. 

"I got you something," Cas stated, almost proudly. "It's a copy of 'The Good, The Bad and The Ugly.' I found it at the Wal-Mart. I did some research, and while it may not be as good as Tombstone, I was assured by many people from the Reddit that it is ranked as one of the best cowboy movies of all time."

Dean blinked as he processed Cas' words. 

The angel had given him a gift. 

A cowboy movie. 

The last time they had watched a cowboy movie....Dean could almost feel Cas' come dribbling down his chin. 

He gaped at his friend, whose eyebrows were beginning to knit together in worry. 

"But I know the internet is not always correct. Sam assured me this purchase was -"

"Great," Dean choked out, doing his best to suppress the memory of Cas' teeth on his skin, of the feel of their bare cocks together....

"Cas, thank you. Seriously, man. I haven't got a gift in a long time."

Cas smiled at that, all gum and crinkled nose. The sight made Dean feel a bit light headed. 

"I wanted to thank you," he continued. "My garden will never return to its original state but I appreciate all of your help."  
  
The garden had been a shit show. Dean had spent hours outside with Cas trying to clean it. They re-potted the plants that weren't ripped apart, replaced the tomato vines and picked up an endless amount of roots and dead plants. Dean had to take two trips to Home Depot for supplies, and by the end of it, well over half of the garden was dead. 

Dean stared down at the smirking cowboy on the movie case. He ran his finger over the cheap plastic cover, smiling to himself. He really never got presents - even as a kid. He and Sam had tried to do Christmas together once, but that was mostly because he was on a one way road to hell at the time. 

"I'll leave you to it."

Cas turned to leave but Dean half shouted the word, "Wait!"

They stared at each other then, blue melting into green. Dean knew that an inappropriate amount of time was passing, and even someone like Lisa or Cassie would have felt awkward about the prolonged eye contact, but not Cas. The angel didn't blink. 

"Stay," Dean managed to say. "Will you stay and watch it with me?"

Cas closed Dean's door. "Of course."  
  
  
  
  
 **+++**  
  
  
  
  
  
 **Being a demon had been the single worst experience in his life, and that included being torn open by a hell hound and going to hell.**

**It wasn't like being possessed. You didn't remember much when you were possessed. Dean could remember every detail - every disgusting act with Crowley, every vicious insult, every snapped neck, courtesy of his own hands. And he has chose to do those things. Enjoyed them even.**

**But now he was back in his own room. Sam had stepped out, leaving him with Cas. He was sure Sam didn't want to look at him right now. After all, Dean had spent the night swinging an ax at his head.**

**Dean felt disgusted, but then Cas came in his room and smiled at him, and suddenly he didn't feel as worthless. Cas was happy to have him back and assured him that Sam felt the same but just needed time. But Dean didn't want to be alone with his memories tonight. Dean wanted Cas to stay with him, but before he could ask, the angel said he had to go because he had a woman waiting for him in the car.**

**Cas had given him a rueful smile before leaving, and despite his wishes, Dean found himself utterly alone.**

**Sam would come around. They were brothers. And if he didn't, well, Dean deserved that. And Cas - Cas had every right to go off with a woman. Whatever could've been between them was long gone. That door had shut and Dean knew he could never open it again.**

**The best Dean Winchester could hope for was some good booze and a pair of long legs to slide between.** _  
  
  
  
  
  
_**+++** _  
  
__  
_

A sharp pain shot through Dean's nose as the stranger's fist made contact. He groaned and stumbled backwards into another body. He glanced over his shoulder and found Cas at his back. The angel was holding on his stomach, obviously suffering from a similar blow. 

"Fucking werewolves," Dean muttered, reaching for his gun but the short girl in front of him growled and swung her foot at his already sore knee. He hit the ground hard, cursing.

A sickening pop from his right pulled Dean from his own pain. Cas screamed in anguish, falling to his knees. 

They had been searching for a pack of werewolves for the last three hours. They were just about to call it a night when the pack found them. They had known hunters were coming and planned for it - lured Dean and Cas into a trap. 

Four of the wolves were dead but two remained - a tiny girl who packed one helluva punch and her companion, who was a giant of a man with a thick wild beard and deranged eyes. He looked human, except for those yellow eyes - and of course, the long fucking fangs in his mouth.

Cas barely had time to make another pained noise before the giant man was hammering in his face and ribs. 

Dean took a deep breath, squinting through the eye that wasn't swollen shut. He stood up on his knee, holding back a yelp from the pain radiating down to his ankle. In one swift motion he pulled out his gun and fired two rounds of silver into the she wolf. 

She collapsed to the ground with a shriek and joined the rest of her pack in death. The last remaining wolf man threw his head, howling at the sky in obvious pain. 

"Was that your girlfriend?" Dean muttered. "Too bad."

The beast gripped Cas and tossed him into the sharp twigs of a nearby tree. The angel's body crashed into it hard before going limp. 

Dean barely had time for one, "Cas!" before the creature was on him. The beast showed him no mercy as it pounded its fist into Dean's face. 

Fuck it was strong. Way too strong. 

Dean raised his hand to block the next attack. The creature's large fist barreled through the attempted evasion, shattering several bones in the hunter's hand. 

Dean screamed in pain, real fear bubbling to the surface. 

The beast lurched forward, swinging its massive hands at Dean's face. The hunter could feel his energy depleting, the pain in his body too much, but then the man's eyes were glowing blue and a violent, translucent light poured from its terrible jaws. 

The creature fell to the ground dead. 

Cas' face was contorted in pain as he stumbled weakly to Dean. He grabbed the Hunter's face and Dean let himself be pulled forward. For some stupid reason, Dean was expecting a kiss, but instead he was greeted with more glowing light. 

He gasped as the sharp pain in his hand disappeared. 

"Hurts," Cas gritted out, motioning to his shoulder. "Not enough grace left -"

Dean understood immediately. Cas' shoulder had popped out of place one and the pain was blinding. With a gentle, yet swift motion, Dean gripped the angel's shoulder and reset the joint, snapping it back in place. 

Now that the excruciating pain was over, Dean and Cas stared at each other, obviously exhausted. Cas' face was swollen and purple everywhere, face and arms coated in blood. 

Dean expected he looked similar. 

"Why was it so strong?" he asked through his busted lip. 

"It was the alpha of the pack - I expect it was very old. It had the ability to semi-shift without the moon, unlike the rest of its pack." Cas let Dean process this information for a moment. They stood next to each other, swaying in exhaustion and pain. 

"Can't drive fours hours back," Dean grunted. "There's a hotel a couple miles back. Let's take that for tonight."

Cas moaned in confirmation. "My grace should be replenished by tomorrow."

Typically Dean would write off the angel's healing offers but his entire body was aching and he found himself hoping Cas was right. 

It took several long minutes for the pair to walk back to the Impala, climb in and head towards the hotel. Cas leaned back in the passenger seat with his hand on his shoulder. Dean winced at the sharp pain radiating from his knee. Bending his leg to drive wasn't helping the pain. 

The hotel clerk eyed them with weariness as they checked in and Dean got the impression that they weren't the first people covered in blood to request a room. They got the last double bed available and stumbled to it.

Cas tried to collapse in the nearest chair but Dean caught him, leaning heavily on his good leg. 

"You need a shower."

Cas growled. "Well, you don't smell great either."

Despite his pain, Dean laughed. "It will help with your sore muscles. Trust me. It may help your mojo come back faster."

Cas whimpered but let Dean guide him into the bathroom. The hunter started the stream of hot water, groaning in pain as he bent. He knew there wouldn't be hot water left for him, but considering Cas had used the last of his grace to heal Dean's injury instead of his own, that was only fair. 

Dean turned and found the angel leaning against the dingy motel sink, holding his ribs. 

"You can't get in the shower dressed, ya know?"

Cas reluctantly lifted his arms, slowly pulling his shirt off. He winced in pain at the motion. Dean grimaced as he stared at the angel's ribs. They were already turning purple.

Cas yanked down his pants and Dean turned to give him privacy. He opened the bathroom door to leave but a large hand grabbed his. A very naked, bruised angel was staring at him wearily. 

"Stay," Cas whispered, pulling him back into the tiny room.

Dean was too sore to put up a fight. He slipped off his shirt, noticing several bruises on his own body as well. When he tried to take off his pants, a sharp pain burst from his knee causing him to yelp. He cursed and punched the door. Cas made a quiet hushing noise and pulled the material from his legs, moaning as he bent. 

Once they were both naked, they climbed into the shower. 

Dean let Cas take the stream first. He tried to avoid staring the man but Cas let out a long groan when he stepped into the hot water and chivalry went out the fucking window. 

Dean stared at the miles of skin in front of him, tan and sharp and rippled with muscles. Cas' dick was soft, tucked away in soft, dark hair and despite Dean's pain, he had a strong desire to grab it - to flip Cas around and watch the shower water stream down his plump ass. 

Dean's dick was half hard when he took a step forward, but as soon as did, the sharp pain in his knee returned. 

Cas opened his eyes when Dean whimpered. 

The angel stepped back from the stream, letting Dean have a turn, which he was grateful for. He stepped into the hot water, moaning loudly as it hit his sore muscles. He closed his eyes, basking in the heat surrounding him. 

He ran his fingers through his short hair, helping to work out the dirt. When it felt clean enough (Dean knew the shitty hotel shampoo would only leave his hair dry and brittle) he moved down to his shoulders, giving them a gentle squeeze before letting his fingers slid down his wet chest to gently press on his ribs, assessing the damage.

"Dean."

Dean opened his eyes and found Cas staring at him helplessly. The angel's eyes were dancing up and down his body like he was drinking in the sight. 

"Dean," the angel repeated breathlessly before stepping into the stream. He grabbed Dean's cheek and pressed their lips together.

Dean moaned and returned the kiss. They held each other tightly under the warm stream, lips connected, bodies aching. Their dicks rubbed together a few times but they never made it passed half hard. They were both too sore and too exhausted. 

Still, there was a desperation in their kisses that had nothing to do with sex. It came from fear, from almost dying just 30 minutes prior, from surviving together. They stayed in the hot water kissing until the pipes gave a tired groan and the water turned cold. After that, they helped each into towels and then clothes. 

They curled up in the bed furthest from the door, ignoring the other like it wasn't even there.  
  
  
  
  
  
 **+++**  
  
  
  
  


**Dean knew he should focus on the case, but the Mark of Cain burned against his skin and he decided to take a moment out of the ghost hunt to talk to the priest. It was stupid. He knew it was. If an arch angel couldn't reach God then this priest certainly couldn't either but Dean needed to talk.**

**That was how he found himself saying, "You know, the life I live, the work I do…I pretty much just figured that that was all there was to me, you know? Tear around and jam the key in the ignition and haul ass until I ran out of gas. I guess I just thought sooner or later, I’d go out the same way that I live – pedal to the metal, and that would be it."**

**"But now?"**

**"Now, um… recent events, uh… make me think I might be closer to that than I really thought. And…I don’t know. I mean, you know, there’s – there’s things, there’s…people," Dean whispered as blue eyes popped into his brain, "feelings that I-I-I want to experience differently than I have before, or maybe even for the first time."**

**Dean left the booth and decided if he survived this, he was going to try - really try - to reopen that door.  
  
  
  
  
+++** _  
  
  
  
  
_

Dean was horny.

He hadn't gotten off with another person in too damn long and he needed some physical intimacy, because damn it, things were starting to get weird.

A few nights ago he had woke up gasping from a not-so-hetero dream starring a certain blue eyed angel. Dean had barely given himself three yanks before he was curling in on himself and coming so hard that his toes hurt.

And this morning, he had woken up to find Cas in the kitchen, frying bacon in his underwear. It wasn't abnormal for Sam to occasionally make a few trips around the bunker in his undergarments, and it really shouldn't have been weird for Cas to do it as well but Dean had popped a boner right there. Not just a half hard, better adjust and continue with the day, but a full on throbbing ache between his legs.

Cas had turned to greet him but Dean had to run back to his room to pull out his aching member. It was pink and leaking, and after an embarrassingly short time, Dean had come into his hand thinking about the angel's round ass.  
  
And it wasn't like he could actually do anything about it. After the shower incident, Dean had woken up the next day, still holding his friend. He wasn't in pain, so Cas must have gotten his mojo back in the middle of the night.   
  
Cas had woken up all groggy and happy. The angel had rolled over and pressed a kiss to Dean's lip, but Dean had just froze. He wasn't angry, he was just freaked out. He had just needed a minute to think about what happened, to fucking process it. But as soon as Cas realized he wasn't kissing back, the blue eyed man had pulled back and looked at Dean's face, and whatever expression was there caused Cas' face to harden. He had rolled out of bed and immediately put on his shoes and jacket. 

"Cas, about last night -"

"It was just a one time thing," the angel had snapped.   
  
And that was that.   
  
Dean knew better than to poke a sleeping bear. If Cas didn't want to talk about it, then he wouldn't talk about it. The rejection had stung, but it wasn't the first time Cas had rejected him. It was just how things were meant to be between them. Too much had happened - possession, betrayals, wars. If there had been something between them - well, Cas didn't want to explore it anymore. And Dean would respect his wishes.

And in the mean time, he was gonna get laid.  
  
That was how Dean found himself at the nearest dive bar. He had been to this one a few times. It had nothing on the old Roadhouse but it was fine. Decent music, decent booze. And Dean had scored here once. Many of the female occupants were there for exactly the same reason he was. It was the kind of bar that took off the edge and not much more.   
  
A pretty blonde looked him up and down as he walked in. Her almond brown eyes lingered on his for a long moment and then she glanced coyly away. Dean smirked, sitting down at the bar a few seats from her. He ordered a whiskey and stared over at her with a wolfish grin. The woman raised her eyebrows and turned to him.   
  
"Brave," she said, motioning down to his drink, "ordering whiskey from a dive bar."  
  
Dean shrugged, sipping his drink. It wasn't nearly as good as the whiskey he had at home. A pang of longing filled his chest as he thought about the bunker. He had left Sam and Cas there playing chess. If he wasn't so sexually frustrated, he would have enjoyed getting drunk and annoying them as they played. Dean pushed home out of his head, focusing his attention on the blonde who was staring at him expectantly.   
  
"I'm known to be brave."  
  
It was a cheesy line but the woman didn't seem to mind.   
  
Dean spent the next 20 minutes finding out personal details about the stranger. Her name was Amy. She worked at a bank. She spent most of her free nights with her friends karaoking or shooting pool. And tonight she was wearing red panties.  
  
Dean let the red underwear fall on the floor of the Impala. He returned his hand back to the heat between her legs and circled her entrance. He teased the wet hole, earning throaty gasps and a sharp bite to the ear. When he pressed his fingers into her, she clutched around him, burying her face into his shoulder, moaning.   
  
He smiled, feeling at ease in this familiar territory. He pressed two fingers into the stranger, angling them up and forward. She gasped as he attacked the spot relentlessly. With a long shake and throaty moan, she came hard on his fingers. When Dean pulled his hand back, it was covered in her slick.  
  
It was easy after.   
  
He slid on the condom and gently guided her into his lap, where she almost immediately sunk on to his cock. They both took a moment to bask in the feeling and then she lifted up her shirt to give him access to her perky breast. Dean ran his hands up and down her sides, leaning in to taste one of her nipples.  
  
"Bite it," she whispered.  
  
Dean grinned and wasted no time in fulfilling her request. She squealed when his teeth made contact with her nipples. He teased it lightly, tongue darting out to lap at the pink skin.   
  
Her movements became rougher then, and Dean let his hands fall to her hips, squeezing them lightly as he fucked up into the warmth surrounding his dick.  
  
It was good. Familiar. Exactly what he needed.   
  
Sam would bitch later, when he got a whiff of the musk and fruity perfume, but Dean didn't care. He liked annoying Sam.   
  
He would have to air the car out before Cas got in though because the angel usually sat in this exact spot.   
  
And fuck, there were the blue eyes he had been trying to escape.   
  
He tried to push the man out of his head, but suddenly he wondered what Cas would look like in his position. He imagined Cas' big hands gripping the woman's hips roughly. Would Cas fuck the girl hard or take his time? Dean knew from experience that Cas loved biting, so he probably would have his mouth all over this woman, leaving little marks here and there. Dean imagined the stranger would fuck down on Cas harder, groaning as she slid up and down on his thick cock.   
  
Would Cas throw his head back on the seat of the Impala as he came? Would he bury himself in the pair of warm breasts in front of him and bite down on the sensitive skin?   
  
"Fuck," Dean moaned out, as the unexpected wave of pleasure began to crash over him. "Oh fuck."  
  
The woman leaned down and latched on to his neck, biting him hard and he came, nearly saying the angel's name.  
  
Afterwards, Dean gave the woman a ride home and declined coming in for a round two. She gave him her number, but he didn't plan on using it, and he was sure she knew that.  
  
They had both gotten what they needed out of the night.   
  
Now Dean was sleepy and hungry, and he wanted his bed and a burrito.   
  
He made his way back to the bunker with the windows rolled down to air out the smell. He had gotten off with a sexy woman just like he planned to do, but already tension was pouring back into his body, because he hadn't even looked at her when he came. All he could think about, all he could see, was Cas. And typically this would be easy to ignore, because there would be a bigger issue - Demons, Amara, Billie, God. But there was no big bad to worry about. Nothing to turn his focus on. So, he walked back into the bunker, feeling just as unsettled.   
  
Cas and Sam were still playing chess when he walked in. They both turned to greet him. He was surprised when their faces fell.  
  
"What?" he asked self-consciously.   
  
Sam narrowed his eyes, motioning to Dean's neck. "I take it you had a good time?"   
  
Dean walked over to the nearest mirror and put on a smile as he stared at the large hickey. "She was a biter."  
  
Dean looked back at Cas, ready to flash him a grin, but the angel's blue eyes looked like a storm as he stared at the mark. He met Dean's gaze with a hard glare, and without saying anything else, stood up and left the room.   
  
"Hey -" Dean began, but Sam cut him off.  
  
"Dude, you should be more sensitive. You know how Cas feels about you."  
  
Dean scoffed, trying to ignore the guilt building in his belly. "How he 'feels' about me? Don't be a drama queen."  
  
Sam shook his head and frowned down at his chess game. "I'm going to bed. I suggest you give Cas some space."  
  
Dean watched his little brother head off to bed. He wanted to yell at him and tell him he didn't know what the hell he was talking about, but instead Dean sat down in the chair Cas had been in.   
  
"Fuck," he muttered, rubbing his neck. It was tender. He hadn't meant to parade his sexual encounter in Cas' face. In all honesty, he didn't think the angel cared.   
  
"Fuck," he repeated into the empty room.   
  
  
  
  
**+++**  
  
  
  
  
  
 **Red.**

**That was all Dean could see.**

**He was filled with rage and the mark seemed to be feeding off of it.**

**Dean cocked his fist back and punched Castiel again. Blood splattered across Dean's face and he relished in the feeling. He wanted to see more blood, cause more pain.**

**His punches fell one after the other. He ignored Cas' cries of pain. Truthfully he could barely hear them over the drumming in his head.**

**Dean could feel all of his anger boiling to the surface. He had this mark because of Metatron but Cas was the one who had helped Metatron, and neither of them would be around if Sam hadn't ran off and got himself killed all those years ago. Dean never would have gone to hell, never would have been mutilated for all those years. And of course neither he or Sam would have gone through any of those terrible things if their dad hadn't been such a piece of shit. Dean's anger spiked as he thought about John. John had ran away from him. Sam had ran away from too. And Cas - Cas was never around anymore. He was always off in Heaven, ignoring Dean's pleas.**

**Dean didn't have anyone. Everyone always left him and he was sick of it. He pulled the angel blade out of his pocket and raised it to end the fight.**

**But a warm hand wrapped around his arm and finally the scene in front of him made it through his clouded vision. Cas was hurt. Really hurt.**

**"Dean, please."**

**The angel stared up at Dean, looking weak and sad. Regret and shame filled Dean's body. It had been so long since he felt anything but anger. But for the moment, he was clear headed enough to know that he had to get away from Cas before he lost control again.**

**He slammed the angel blade down near Cas' head and stalked off, shouting a warning as he went.** _  
  
  
  
  
  
_**+++** _  
  
  
  
_

"Trick or treat, bitch," Dean muttered, throwing the vial at the witch's feet.  
  
She stared down at it smugly for a moment, but then a purple cloud leaked out and swirled around her feet. She stared up at Dean and Sam with wide eyes.   
  
"What is thi-"  
  
But before the witch could finished her question, the cloud engulfed her leaving behind nothing but an echoing scream and pile of dust.  
  
Sam smirked at the dissipating haze. "We can thank Rowena for that."  
  
Dean glared at the smoking hex bag that Sam had lit on fire. It had damn near killed them. He fucking hated witches. They had always been a weakness for the Winchesters. Demons, ghosts and the rest of the lot were like the stupid villains from the movies who liked to parade their victory around and explain their evil plan, giving the heroes time to re-coop and fight back.   
  
Not witches.  
  
They were sneaky and lightning fast, only flashing their victories once the hex bag was already taking your life. Dean was thankful Rowena left them some supplies to deal with her...sisters.   
  
"Well, hopefully we never get the chance to thank her," Dean muttered, kicking the hex bag one more time for good measure.   
  
Sam started toward the Impala. "Maybe she'll visit Earth again."  
  
"Why would she?" the eldest Winchester asked. "She's the queen of hell. I don't see her getting off that throne to say hi to us."  
  
Dean and Sam turned and stared around the graveyard, because typically when they said something like this, the person they were talking about would pop into existence to deliver some Earth ending bad news.  
  
The boys glanced at each other and began laughing.   
  
"Things are definitely different," Dean commented as he slid into the front seat of the Impala, waiting for Sam to get in before he started her.   
  
Sam turned his large body to face Dean as they sped toward home. Luckily, this case had barely taken them 30 minutes away.   
  
"Things are different," the tall man reasoned. "Like this morning when we were at that diner. The waitress told you when she off work and gave you free pie. You didn't even acknowledge her."  
  
Dean scowled at the road, already sensing where Sam was taking the conversation.  
  
"We were researching the case."  
  
That had never stopped him before. He knew it. Sam knew it.   
  
"Well, what about the bartender a few weeks ago - the one who kept slapping your ass while you played pool? She was clearly interested."  
  
"Wasn't my type," Dean muttered, reaching for the radio dial.   
  
Sam chuckled. "Blonde hair and big boobs aren't your type anymore?"  
  
Dean turned the volume at full blast, frowning as Sam laughed out his half cracked window.   
  
It was true. Dean hadn't gotten laid since the girl at the bar - Amy.   
  
He hadn't even tried.   
  
That hickey had stayed on his neck for almost two weeks. Cas wouldn't even look at him until it was gone. And both the angel and his brother had been very short with him. Dean was annoyed by their behavior, but he didn't say anything to either of them. Saying something would bring up - other things. And he wasn't going to talk about those things. Because he didn't know - didn't even know where to start. 

And the last time had had tried, Cas had dismissed him and that fucking hurt more than he would ever admit out loud.   
  
So Dean was resolved to just keep whatever the fuck this was bottled up. But now Cas was getting pissy with him for getting some random tail that didn't mean anything?  
  
"We got here fast," Sam muttered, unclicking his seat belt.   
  
"Yeah, well I have to pee," Dean lied, not wanting to admit he was anxious to see Cas.   
  
When they walked into the bunker, they found Cas sitting in front of their small TV, wearing a light blue Henley and flannel pajamas. Dean nearly groaned at how domestic the sight was. He had a sudden stupid desire to flop down on the couch with Cas and pull the angel into his body. They could fight over the small bowl of popcorn and....fuck. Dean cut off that thought with a small head shake. What the fuck was wrong with him.   
  
"Dean," Cas said suddenly, realizing they had returned. "Were you able to locate the witch?"  
  
"Yeah, we got her," Sam answered when Dean did nothing but blink stupidly. "Rowena's potions are really coming in handy."  
  
Cas lifted a piece of popcorn to his mouth. Dean tracked the movement, watching him slip the fluffy morsel between his puffy lips. His head tilted as Cas' tongue darted out to lick away the excess butter.  
  
Sam cleared his throat and Dean realized Cas was staring at him.   
  
"Umm," Dean began intelligently. "What about you watching?"  
  
Cas' face lit up then. "I am watching a scary movie," he reported. "I know I typically do not like them, but this one is entertaining. It is also quite frightful and fitting, considering your recent hunt. It is about three witches who were persecuted for murdering a girl and eating her soul. Using black magic, they were able to come back from Hell and are now on a quest to devour every child they can get their hands on."  
  
Dean cocked an eyebrow and walked over the TV.   
  
"Hocus Pocus?" he asked with a laugh. "That's the scary movie?"  
  
Cas nodded, with a proud smile.   
  
Dean's instinct was to poke fun at the angel, but he couldn't bring himself to do it.  
  
"I do like that blonde witch," Dean remarked with a grin. "She's super sexy."  
  
The angel's lips twisted into a scowl and his sharp blue eyes turned from Dean back to the screen. Sam groaned lightly and left the room.  
  
Dean made sure his brother was out of ear shot, before he leaned over and said, "But she has nothing on that Zachary Binx. I had a pretty big crush on him when I was younger."  
  
Cas turned back to him, blinking in surprise. And then amusement filled the angel's eyes as he began to laugh.   
  
Dean went to bed thinking about that laugh.   
  
  
  
  
**+++**  
  
  
  


  
 **Gone.**  
  
 **He was gone.**  
  
 **Up in flames.**  
  
 **Every word that Dean had never said, every apology he had never issued. They had burned just like Castiel's body.**  
  
 **Dean sat in his room, surrounded by bottles of beer and whiskey. He grabbed the closest amber colored drink and threw it back. Even the burn from the liquor couldn't ease the ache in his chest.**  
  
 **Sam had been in to check on Dean several times, until finally the hunter made an excuse about checking out a hunt. Sam had left and Dean was thankful for it. He needed to be alone. He needed to let his tears flow freely without worrying about judgement.**  
  
 **And they were flowing now. Had been for the past hour.**  
  
 **Dean had lost Cas before, and it had been hard, but this was different. He had never burned his body. Burned bodies didn't come back. Cas wasn't coming back.**  
  
 **Pain rippled across his chest, causing the muscles in his stomach to clench. Dean grabbed the nearest trash can and emptied his stomach inside of it. The vomit burned coming up. He could thank the bottles of whiskey for that.**  
  
 **Dean wiped his mouth on his sleeve. He looked down at his clothes and found that they were covered in stains and blood. He had put a hole through the wall a few days ago. Opened up his hand real good. He had hid it from Sam, because he didn't want a lecture. He stared down at the blood, realizing that he hadn't changed his clothes in days, maybe even a week. He hadn't showered either. When was the last time he had eaten?**  
  
 **Dean pushed these thoughts away and leaned against his bed with a groan. His whole body hurt. He closed his eyes for the hundredth time, squeezing them together so tightly it hurt.**  
  
 **"Bring him back," he whispered. He didn't know if anyone was listening. Didn't know if there was anyone left to hear him. "You bring him back, or I swear on my life, I will hunt down every last one of you bastards. Please. Please, bring him back."**  
  
 **Dean opened his eyes slowly. He wasn't sure what he was expecting. It wasn't like Cas was magically going to be in front of him, all blue eyes and messy hairy. Dean winced as Cas' face swirled into his mind.**  
  
 **He grabbed another beer, and as an after thought, the trash can.** _  
  
  
  
  
  
_ **+++** _  
_  
  
  
  
Dean sat up in his bed gasping. He jumped up and walked to his mirror, staring at his eyes.  
  
"Green," he whispered to his reflection. "They're green."  
  
Nightmares weren't uncommon for Dean, but this was one had been so vivid that he expected it was actually a repressed memory from when Michael had taken over his body.   
  
He could feel a woman underneath him, gasping for air as his own hands tightened around his throat. Her neck had made a sickening snap before she went limp under him.  
  
In the dream, he had stood up and walked to a hotel mirror, wiping his hands. His eyes were glowing bright blue.   
  
"Don't worry, Dean. I'm taking great care of your vessel," his reflection had said.   
  
That dream had swiftly changed into something else - fire. A ring of fire and inside of it was Cas - but red horns ripped through his head and Lucifer's voice was coming out of his mouth.   
  
"He's going to die. You're going to die. Even if you defeat me, you'll burn in hell for the rest of your life. You have too much blood on your hands for anything else."  
  
After that, it had been a violent flash of blue eyes, red eyes, fire, glowing blue light. Dean took a deep breath, steadying himself.  
  
"It was just a dream," he promised himself.   
  
Michael and Lucifer were gone.  
  
Sam was safe.  
  
Cas was alive.  
  
They were okay.  
  
  
  
  
 **+++**  
  
  
  
  
  
 **Dean roared with laughter on the couch. "Watch this part. Look!" Dean imitated the cow boy on TV, firing into the air with finger guns. "This is the best movie ever."**  
  
 **"It is entertaining," Cas agreed from beside him.**  
  
 **"Entertaining?" Dean scoffed. "Tombstone is one of the best movies of all time!"**  
  
 **Castiel nodded with squinted eyes and Dean knew he was only watching the movie for his benefit but he didn't care. This was the best night he had had in a long time. Cas was alive. Cowboys were on the TV. He didn't care what was happening in the world. He had everything he needed.**  
  
 **Sam returned from the kitchen with two bowls of popcorn. He passed one to Dean and one to Cas but didn't sit.**  
  
 **"You're not finishing the movie?" Dean asked in surprise.**  
  
 **Sam stared from him to Cas and then dropped his eyes, obviously trying to hide a smile. "Nah, I'm tired. Besides, this movie is terrible."**  
  
 **"EXCUSE YOU?"**  
  
 **Sam laughed softly. His eyes were warm as he stared the pair. "I don't know how you're getting through this, Cas."**  
  
 **The angel suddenly looked terrified, looking from Dean to Sam rapidly. "I find it very -"**  
  
 **"Entertaining. Yeah, yeah," Dean muttered, trying to come across as annoyed, but still ended up with a grin on his face. He threw popcorn into his mouth.**  
  
 **Sam chuckled and left the room.**  
  
 **The movie went on for another hour and Dean happily quoted it and swung his fists in the air in time with the actors. When the credits finally rolled, he had devoured both bowls of popcorn. He looked over at Cas and found the angel staring at him warmly.**  
  
 **"Best movie," Dean yawned, rubbing his eyes.**  
  
 **"It seems that you're ready for bed," Cas commented, starting to stand.**  
  
 **Dean grabbed his shoulder, pushing him back on the couch. "What? No!" Cas stared at him in surprise. "Don't leave!"**  
  
 **"I was just going to go to the library and read."**  
  
 **"Well, come to my room. I have tons of books." Dean knew he was being clingy but Cas didn't seem to mind.**  
  
 **The angel just smiled. "Okay."**  
  
 **That was how Dean found himself sitting on his bed with Cas, with books sprawled all around them.**  
  
 **"Okay," Dean began eagerly. "If you're looking for action books, you want these two. But if you want something more philosophical, you definitely have to try this one. I will never say this in front of Sam but I have a romance novel that's actually great."**  
  
 **Cas listened carefully to all of his suggestions. He eventually picked a book about Vikings that Dean had gushed over. He flipped the book open and began to read.**  
  
 **"Dude, you can't read like that!"**  
  
 **Dean leaned up on to his knees. He invaded Cas' space and pulled the long trench coat from his shoulders. Cas looked perplexed.**  
  
 **"Dean?"**  
  
 **Dean his best to ignore the heat pooling in his stomach. He loved the way Cas said his name.**  
  
 **"You can't read with this thing on," he remarked, as he pulled the trench coat from his arms, revealing Cas' black suit. "Seriously man. How do you wear this all the time?"**  
  
 **Cas looked down at his clothes. "I don't have anything else."**  
  
 **Dean busied himself with Cas' tie, loosening it some. "Well, you can always borrow my clothes. Much more fashionable."**  
  
 **"Yes, your flannel shirts are very - fashionable."**  
  
 **Dean barked out a laugh. He felt light as a feather. Cas was alive and here - in his bed. Dean blinked slowly, realizing that he was all but straddling Cas' lap and literally undressing him.**  
  
 **He looked up at Cas' face for the first time and found the angel's eyes were wide and dilated. His chest was rising and falling rapidly.**  
  
 **Oh fuck.**  
  
 **Dean had crossed a line.**  
  
 **He was so happy that Cas was alive that he had forgotten about the physical boundaries he had set between them.**  
  
 **Dean looked down at his hands and saw they were tightly gripping Cas' sides. He knew he should move them, send Cas off with his book and make himself go to sleep.**  
  
 **Instead, he leaned down and pressed his lips to Cas'.**  
  
 **The angel made a pained sound into his mouth, but immediately deepened the kiss. Dean pushed him flat on the bed and followed him to the mattress, covering him with his own body. Cas moaned against his lips and the sound went straight to his dick.**

**The voice that usually ripped through Dean's mind telling him to stop or pull back was gone. He wasn't stopping this time. He wanted Cas so much it hurt.**

**Dean began to strip Cas' clothes off, and the angel returned the favor, yanking at Dean's shirt desperately.**

**It took a few minutes for Dean to realize they weren't getting anywhere with the undressing - instead just tugging at each other's clothes in desperation so he forced himself to move off Cas.**

**The angel looked confused, and then a little sad, as if he was expecting Dean to storm away. But when Dean took off his shirt and began wiggling out of his jeans, Cas groaned and began quickly undressing himself.**

**As soon as their clothes were gone, Dean slid back on top of Cas. He expected it would be a bit weird to be pressed up on a naked guy, but Cas was gorgeous. His thighs were wide and thick, his hip bones sharp enough to cut and his dick - Jesus, it was bigger than Dean expected.**   
  
**"Cas," he groaned, dick so hard that it almost hurt. "Fuck, I've wanted to do this for so long..."**   
  
**"Me too, Dean." Cas pulled him in for a deep kiss, holding on to Dean's face with his large hands. "Wanted you...So much..."**

**Dean moaned and reached down to grip Cas' cock. It was messy with pre-come and twitched in his hand. Cas choked out a moan with Dean ran his rough hand along the length of it.**

**Dean fisted the head, grinning as the angel arched his body like a cat. "Dean...Dean..."**

**He jerked him like that for a few moments, getting off on the way Cas seemed to be losing the ability to speak. After another vicious squeeze to the man's beautiful cock, Dean removed his hand and replaced it with his own cock. He rubbed it against Cas' and they both groaned. They fit together perfectly, with their cocks flushed and their legs tangled. Cas' nails dug into Dean's back, leaving pink scratches.**

**"Amazing," Cas groaned, biting down on his neck. "You're amazing."**

**Dean let Cas continue assaulting his neck for a few moments, realizing that the angel seemed to get off on the thought of marking him. He wondered if Cas thought about this before, if he had wrapped a large hand around his cock and tugged until he was moaning Dean's name and coming across is own chest.**

**And that took Dean back to his last fantasy of Cas. The one that had him waking up with a gasp, barely enough time to get a hand on his dick before he was spurting messily across his shirt.**

**Before he could lose the courage, Dean leaned up and kissed Cas deeply, swirling his tongue into his mouth. Dean pulled back, moving slowly down Cas' perfect body to his leaking, hard cock.**

**Dean watched the emotions flit across the angel's face – uncertainty at first and then dark arousal as he realized what was about to happen.**

**Dean licked his lips, a thrill shooting through him at the way Cas’s gaze was helplessly drawn to the movement. He ran his hand along Cas’s length, giving it a few steady pumps, admiring the way it pulsed in his grip.**

**He had no intention of teasing Cas. Maybe that would come later when they had done this a few times. Judging from the way Cas seemed to be fighting the urge to buck his hips, Dean imagined that teasing could be fun someday but for now he leaned forward and slid Cas’s cock into his mouth inch by inch.**

**It wasn't nearly as strange as Dean expected, having a dick buried in his throat. It was actually really fucking hot - especially when Cas threw his head back and moaned out the word, "Fuck."**

**He wasn't sure if Cas had ever even said that before and was pleased to be the one to pull it out of him.**

**He worked his way up and down the hard length, moaning as he tasted fluid leaking from it. Cas was lost above him, moaning out a string of curse words and Dean's name. Dean became lost in the moment as well, forgetting how good it felt to give to a partner. It had been a long, long time since he had the chance to do anything like this.**

**Cas ran his fingers through Dean's short hair, pulling lightly on the spikes. Dean moaned around the cock on his mouth, feeling his dick harden even more. He would kill for some friction but this was about Cas.**

**"Dean." Cas' voice was clearer this time. Dean looked up and found the angel staring at him so intensely that he was almost embarrassed. "Look at me. Please."**

**Despite his embarrassment, Dean kept his eyes on Cas as he slid up and down his length. He should have been looking the entire time. It was a beautiful sight - Cas nearly curling in on himself, moaning with his eyes half closed.**

**"Feels...feels so good, Dean. I never knew...how good...fuck..."**

**Dean moaned again, hips rocking forward on their own accord, searching for friction.**

**Cas pressed his hand firmly to Dean's shoulder and suddenly he felt his dick become engulfed by warmth. It surrounded him, massaging his cock. Dean would have cried out at the feeling if it weren't for dick in his mouth. It was like being in a pussy but better - so much better. Cas' grace vibrated around his cock, massaging it, somehow both rough and gently.**

**Heat coiled in Dean's stomach and be realized the sensation was going to make him come faster than he expected.**

**He quickly returned to sucking Cas' hard cock, letting his mouth go lax as sped up, trying to get the angel to his level.**

**They stared at each, both seemingly in shock from the feelings they were providing for each other. Despite Dean's best efforts, he was the one who came first. Blue eyes watched with intently as he groaned. His entire body seized up and then he was releasing his come in messy stripes across his bed and Cas' thighs. It was one of the most intense orgasms of his life and he barely registered Cas had taken over the thrusting, until he heard a desperate, "Dean!"**

**That was all the time he had to prepare before his mouth was flooded with come. It wasn't a bad feeling. He tried to swallow what he could but a lot leaked out of his mouth and down Cas' cock.**

**The angel shook one more time before falling against the bed.**

**Dean barely had the energy to pull himself up to his pillow and collapse by the angel. Cas immediately curled against him, body shuttering from the after shocks of his orgasm. Dean smiled and held on to him tightly, falling asleep with Cas pulled tightly to his side.** _  
  
  
  
  
  
_**+++** _  
  
  
  
_

"So I got a call from mom," Sam said as he handed Dean a cup of coffee.  
  
Dean looked up at Sam in surprise. "How is she?"  
  
"Good. Her and Bobby are still in Washington State." Sam sat down across from him. "They were actually hoping to visit. They want to - spend Christmas with us."  
  
"Dude, we don't do Christmas."  
  
"No," Sam agreed. "We typically don't, but mom really wants to - and I don't know. I've never really had a holiday with her before. I don't hate the idea."  
  
Truthfully, Dean didn't hate the idea either. He could prepare a nice ham and some pie. They could get a little Christmas tree from the farm a few miles from the bunker. He was pretty sure they had some white lights stuffed in some box.   
  
"Alright," he agreed. "Let's celebrate Santa's birthday."  
  
Dean took a deep drink of coffee, smirking at his little brother's annoyed expression.  
  
  
  
  
  
 **+++**  
  
  
  
  
  
 **Mary was dead.**  
  
 **Dean's whole life had been based around avenging his mother's murder. That was how he had become a hunter. That was why he had lost his childhood, his friends, his family.**  
  
 **But he had gotten her back. Sure, it was rough, but he had her. He got to hear her voice and see her sweet smile.**  
  
 **But Jack - Jack had taken her again.**  
  
 **And it was Cas' fault.**  
  
 **He couldn't believe Cas would do something like this - not after they -**  
  
 **Dean had no problem letting Cas know that he blamed him. Cas had fucked up. Cas always fucked up. And now the angel stood in front of him, trying to apologize. Dean wasn't going to have it. He pushed back against everything Cas said, until finally the angel stepped back, staring at Dean with sad eyes.**  
  
 **"I don't think there's anything left to say," his friend whispered, turning around.**  
  
 **"Where are you going?" Dean asked sharply.**  
  
 **"Jack's dead. Chuck's gone. You and Sam have each other." Cas looked back at him, obvious heartbreak in his eyes. "I think it's time for me to move on."**  
  
 **The pair stared at each other for one long moment and then Cas left.**  
  
 **Dean stared at the ground, the cold drink in his hand forgotten.**  
  
 **He should stop him.**  
  
 **He needed to stop him.**  
  
 **But it was too late.** _  
_  
  
  
  
  
 **+++**  
  
  
  
  


"And so I found Dean in Sam's crib, holding a slice of pizza. And when I asked him what he was doing, he said that Sam wouldn't stop crying so he thought he may be hungry."  
  
Eileen and Cas laughed softly at Mary's story, while Sam and Dean blushed around their beers.   
  
"It was really cute," Mary continued with a smile. "But also a choking hazard, so Dean got banned from the nursey for a while."  
  
Bobby handed Mary a glass full of eggnog and sat down next to her, sliding one of his worn hands into hers.   
  
"This place looks very - festive, boys."  
  
Dean snorted, because even other world Bobby was bad at these kind of functions.   
  
"We got the Christmas tree and the lights, but honestly Eileen was the one who decorated," Sam explained proudly.  
  
"Hey!" Dean exclaimed. "I put a string of lights around the tree. And I suggested a tree topper, but no one liked my idea."  
  
He glanced over at Cas, who immediately scowled at him.   
  
"That wasn't a funny joke, Dean."  
  
Mary slapped Dean's shoulder. "Did you say you should put Cas on top of the tree?"  
  
"What?" Dean asked innocently. "He IS an angel."  
  
Their conversation continued for a few more minutes until Mary stood up and pulled the whiskey glass from Bobby's hand.   
  
"Alright, we're heading to bed. We have some presents to open in the morning. You guys should get to bed so Santa can come."  
  
Dean rolled his eyes and Sam grinned from ear to ear.   
  
The group dispersed slowly, going to their individual rooms. Dean grabbed his arm Cas' arm before he could leave.   
  
"Hey," the hunter said softly. "Uh - I can't exactly put your gift under the tree."  
  
"Dean, you didn't -"  
  
"Yeah, yeah," Dean said with a wave. "I didn't have to, but I wanted to. Do you think I could give it to you now?"  
  
Cas stared down at his hands expectantly. "Of course, Dean."  
  
"Okay, put on your coat."  
  
Cas cocked an eyebrow, but walked over to the coat rack. He cocked his head, staring at the variety of jackets and coats hung from the twisting metal. Dean grimaced when he realized Cas didn't actually have a coat. He was just about to suggest that Cas grab one of his, but then the angel picked up his old, brown trench coat. He smiled at it affectionately and slipped it on.  
  
Warmth rippled over Dean's chest at the familiar sight. Cas turned to him and they both smiled at each other.   
  
"That was always a good look," the hunter said, hoping his voice wasn't shaky.  
  
Cas frowned, but it looked playful. "I remember many rude remarks about this trench coat."  
  
"Maybe I was jealous."  
  
Cas laughed softly and let Dean lead him through the bunker. They walked through several rooms, before reaching the stairwell that led to the back of the bunker.   
  
"Dean?" Cas asked in confusion as they walked up to the heavy door.   
  
Dean paused at it, suddenly feeling nervous.   
  
"It's empty," Dean said quickly. "I mean, there's stuff inside. Like - stuff that you could use. Tools and such. But I kind of guessed, so I don't know if I bought the right things. But there's no - well, there's no items in it. I figured you would want to pick those out. I thought about getting a couple, but I don't know a damn thing about -"  
  
"Dean." Cas was smiling at him, clearly amused. "Do you plan on showing me the gift, or just explaining it?"  
  
The familiar sarcasm made Dean feel a bit at easy.   
  
"Alright," he muttered, pushing the door open. "Take a look."  
  
Cold whipped at Dean's face as they walked out. In front of them was a small greenhouse. It illuminated the backyard and Cas' shocked face.   
  
"How?" the angel asked in disbelief. 

The how made been a bitch. 

Dean had wanted to do this for Cas ever since his garden was destroyed by that huge storm. Winter had come and the first freeze had killed whatever was left of the garden. Cas had been pretty mopey since, not even finding much joy from the indoor plant Dean had brought home. 

Dean had been researching green houses and planned to make it a fun project with Cas but then they decided to celebrate Christmas and bam - best present ever. 

Dean had been able to set up the frame and hardware by himself but soon enough he realized that a ton of shit went into making a green house - CO2 generators, ventilation, heating and cooling systems. He almost had scraped the project, but he remembered the older couple that he had saved from a poltergeist. They lived fairly close to the bunker and the husband was a retired engineer, who told Dean to call him if he needed anything. 

Sure, the guy was surprised that the ghost hunter was looking for a safe place to store his flowers but he still agreed to help. 

"The cover is high quality," Dean explained as he led Cas down the new paved path from the door to the glass house. "Storms, snow, doesn't matter. Your plants will be safe."

Cas said nothing as they walked inside. His eyes travelled from the ceiling to the floor, staying eerily silent as he took in the interior.

Dean scratched his neck nervously. "I didn't know what plants to get you. I was gonna guess but I couldn't even name some of the ones I saw."

"I bought them from a man named Gary," Cas replied, voice somehow rougher than usual. "He sells plants that aren't in the stores."

"A black market for flowers, huh? That's um - cool." Dean was sweating and he knew it had nothing to do with the heat surrounding him. "I know you prefer being outside but -"

"I got you a new record player," the angel blurted out. "And a vinyl that I am told is rare. It is David Bowie's Diamond Dogs. Although I believe it's rare because it has a dog penis on the front cover and not because of the music."

Dean tried to hide his perplexed expression. "Umm Bowie is great, with or without the dog penis-"

"You built me a house," Cas deadpanned. 

"A flower house," Dean corrected. "If you don't like it -"

Cas stepped forward and gave him a tight hug. "Dean, there are no words to explain how much I love it. My present feels sorely inadequate but please have no doubts. I can't believe you did this for me."

"Of course, I did. You're my best friend," Dean muttered at the ground. "My brother."

"I am not your brother."

Dean blinked in surprise. "What? Of course -"

But then he saw the hardline of Cas' lips and the determination in his sharp blue eyes and Dean understood what the angel meant.   
  
"Oh," he mumbled, eyes glancing down at the soft lips in front of him. "I guess you're aren't."  
  
Cas took a step forward, all messy hair and ruffled trench coat. It almost felt like they were back in that barn all those years ago.   
  
"Then what am I?"  
  
Dean's brain barely had time to derail into panic when a loud scream came from inside the bunker. They both turned at the sound and in unison ran towards the door. Because that was a scream of fear and it had come from Mary Winchester.   
  
Dean barreled down the flight of stairs with Cas behind him. He pulled at his gun as he began checking every room. It didn't take long before he found everyone gathered in the map room. Mary was holding her chest like something had just jumped out at her.   
  
"Mom? What's going?"  
  
Sam stared up at Dean, an odd expression on his face. Mary turned to him, putting up a hand.   
  
"M'fine. Guns down. We just - we have a visitor."  
  
Dean looked around the room and realized there was one person standing with his family.  
  
Jack Kline smiled at him.   
  
"Hello, Dean."  
  
  
  
  
 **+++**  
  
  
  
  
 **Chuck was still on the loose and Dean's trip to Purgatory had been for nothing. Sam had decided they weren't going to stop Chuck that way, and Dean knew he had to put his trust in his brother.**  
  
 **But Dean still felt jittery and on edge. He knew it was partially because of Chuck and their lack of a plan, but his emotions were also raw from his prayer to Cas.**  
  
 **He had never opened up like that before - to anyone really. A few times he had gotten close with Sam, but usually that was when he was trying to convince his little brother that everything was going to be okay. He had never talked about himself that much before - expressed concerns about his own anger.**  
  
 **He wasn't sure if he would have been able to do it if Cas was standing right in front of him, but the angel had heard him anyway.**  
  
 **And now they were on good terms. They had forgiven each other.**  
  
 **But Dean still found himself pacing around his room. He knew he should be focused on Chuck, but what the hell was he supposed to do? Sam was studying his ass off and still hadn't found anything. Dean had sent a message to Rowena, and damn near got killed doing it, but still hadn't heard back. So, the only thing he could really focus on was Cas.**  
  
 **Because he hadn't said everything.**  
  
 **He had apologized. He had begged for forgiveness, but he hadn't said what he was trying to say. Cas had cut him off.**  
  
 **Dean walked to his door and yanked it open roughly. He wasn't going to let these words go unspoken. He yelped him he saw Cas standing in the hallway, fist raised to knock.**  
  
 **"Cas?"**  
  
 **The angel lowered his hand. "Hello, Dean."**  
  
 **"What are you doing?"**  
  
 **"I am on my way out. I have a lead that may give us some answers about our Chuck problem."**  
  
 **Dean closed his door. "I will go with you."**  
  
 **Cas smiled but shook his head. "I am meeting with an angel, Dean. A fallen angel, but one who may have information. If I come with a hunter..."**  
  
 **Dean didn't like the idea of Cas going out alone but he could see that his mind was made up. "Okay, but you'll call - you'll keep me in the loop the whole time?"**  
  
 **"Of course."**  
  
 **Cas turned to leave, but Dean grabbed his shoulder. "Wait, Cas," he began, suddenly nervous. He could hear his heart beating in his chest. "I wanted to talk to you - about purgatory."**  
  
 **"I appreciate your words. They meant -"**  
  
 **"I didn't say everything I needed to say," the hunter pressed on. Cas stared at him in surprise. Dean let his hand fall from Cas' shoulder, down to his chest. He gripped the front of his trench coat.**

**"Dean..."**   
  
**"Cas, just let me say this..."**   
  
**Sam suddenly walked around the corner. He had a large book in his hands and a slightly excited look in his eyes. "So get this," he began but stopped abruptly when he saw the two of them standing in front of him. "Oh shit," he mumbled under his breath. "I didn't mean to -"**   
  
**"You weren't interrupting anything," Cas said quickly, taking a step back. Dean's hand fell from his chest. "What did you find?"**   
  
**Dean couldn't hear the words coming from Sam's mouth. All he could focus on was the sting on Cas' rejection.**   
  
  
  
  
  
**+++**   
  
  
  
  


"Jack?" Cas asked from behind Dean, voice dripping with emotion.   
  
The angel pushed passed Dean and wrapped his arms around the boy - well - the God.  
  
"Castiel," Jack greeted affectionately, returning his hug. "I seem to have scared everyone. Did they know I was coming?"  
  
"Oh," Cas said, casting a guilty look around the room. "I wasn't sure if you received my prayer and it seemed like a long shot with how busy you are in Heaven -"  
  
"I always have time for my family," Jack replied warmly. "I hope everyone is okay with me being here?"  
  
Sam and Dean replied in unison. "Of course, Jack!"  
  
Mary walked forward and gave Jack a warm hug. "It's wonderful to see you. I just wasn't expecting it. How are you?"  
  
"I'm God now," Jack replied factually.   
  
Dean snorted and stuffed his gun into his jeans. "Well, God. Welcome to Christmas."  
  
  
  
  
  
 **+++**  
  
  
  
  
  
 **"So you're going then?" Dean asked, not bothering to look up. He threw the book in his hand into the bent cardboard box. He was reorganizing the library. He needed to focus on something. Something other than what was happening right now.**  
  
 **Chuck was dead.**  
  
 **Jack was back.**  
  
 **Rowena was ruling in hell and making it look easy.**  
  
 **Jack had created a whole new charge of angels. Earth had defenders again.**  
  
 **The majority of demons and other supernatural nasties had crawled back into the black holes they emerged from.**  
  
 **And Jack was leaving for good. He had said goodbye to the Winchesters. Promised that he would see them again, once their time on Earth was over. He said he would keep things in order for them.**  
  
 **And he had offered Castiel a job as second-in-command.**  
  
 **Second-in-command to the new God.**  
  
 **That meant ET really was going home for good. He couldn't just pop down to say hi to Dean. He would be too busy up in Heaven. By the time Cas visited Earth again, Dean probably would be an old man.**  
  
 **"Dean," the rough voice began.**  
  
 **"It's a good opportunity," Dean pressed on, refusing to look up at the angel. He didn't want to be petty, but he couldn't pretend that he was happy that he was never going to see his best friend again. "I mean, assistant to God. That's one helluva promotion."**  
  
 **"Dean," Cas repeated, voice growing sharper.**  
  
 **Dean picked up a stack of books and began to file them away on the shelf. "I guess you're on your way out, huh? From the way Jack was talking, you may never have to come back to Earth again. I'm sure that'll be a relief. This planet hasn't always -"**  
  
 **"I told him no, Dean."**  
  
 **For the first time that day, Dean was able to look up at Cas. The angel stared at intently, blue eyes glued to his.**  
  
 **"You said no?" the hunter repeated in confusion.**  
  
 **Castiel nodded and walked over to Dean. He took the stack of books from his hand and sat them on the table. "I told him I appreciated the offer, but Earth was my home. The bunker is my home."**  
  
 **Dean gripped the table to stop his hand from touching Cas' face. "It is?" he asked weakly.**  
  
 **"If it's alright with you. And Sam, of course."**  
  
 **Dean couldn't hold Cas' intense gaze, not with all the emotions running through his chest. "I - yes. It's alright me. It's more than alright."**  
  
 **Cas smiled and tugged off his trench coat, throwing it across one of the library chairs. "Then let me help you get these books on the shelf."**  
  


  
  
  
**+++**   
  


  
Christmas morning flew by in a whirlwind of bacon, pancakes and presents. It was almost jarring to experience something so - normal. But it wasn't a bad feeling. Dean just never thought he would see the day where he sat around a Christmas tree with his mom, Sam, Bobby, Cas, Sam's girlfriend and the new God. But weirdness aside, Dean now had a pile of presents sitting on his bed, among them was a new coffee maker, a few books, a sweater and a vinyl that did indeed feature David Bowie with dog genitalia.   
  
Dean spent most of the afternoon preparing Christmas dinner with the help of his mother. They made a honey glazed ham, cranberry brie, roasted cauliflower, sweet potato bites, stuffing, sausage and peppers and creamed kale. 

Dean split a bottle of wine with his mom as they prepared the meal, laughing at old stories she was telling.   
  
Sam stood in the doorway, racing to get any items his mom needed. Dean wanted to make fun of him for acting like a little kid, but he didn't want to make Sam feel bad for it. They were both eating up the quality time with Mary.   
  
When dinner time came, the food was absolutely devoured.   
  
Mary spent dinner getting to know Eileen, while Sam chatted with Bobby about the pacific north west. Mary and Bobby lived in a quiet house by the lake. It was really cheap because the lake was infested with a water spirit. The realtor had been relieved to sell the house and did not care much about the profit. Until Bobby killed the spirit during their first day in the house. He regretted it some after that.  
  
Dean sipped on his wine watching everyone chat happily and laugh at each other's jokes.   
  
He wanted to sit back with a buzz and a full belly, soaking in the atmosphere but he couldn't.  
  
Because at the end of the table, Cas and Jack were chatting away. Dean hadn't seen Cas this animated in a long time. The pair were discussing Heaven, the changes, the new angels and the new resting place for souls. Cas was excited about the changes, even giving Jack a few ideas. The young man ate them up like everything Cas said was absolutely genius.  
  
Dean stared at his plate, pushing the last piece of ham into some gravy. He knew he should be happy that Cas was able to have this time with Jack, but he would be lying if he said he wasn't scared.  
  
Was Jack really here just to visit for Christmas?  
  
Or was he planning to offer Cas the job as his second in command again?  
  
What if Cas said yes this time?  
  
Dean pushed his plate away softly, feeling a bit sick.   
  
He excused himself from the table, patting his stomach when Sam shot him a quizzical look.   
  
Dean sat down on his bed, putting his head into his hands. He hated that he was ruining such a special day with his insecure bullshit. Cas wasn't going to leave - right?  
  
As if on cue, there was a knock on his bedroom door.   
  
"Come in."  
  
Dean found the angel staring at him with worry.   
  
"Sam said your stomach was upset. Do you need me to heal you?"  
  
"Nah." Dean waved the request away. "Feelin' better already. So, uh - Jack seems to be taking to the God role. It fits him."  
  
Cas smiled proudly. "He is doing better than I ever hoped. He is very happy in the position."  
  
Dean bit the inside of his jaw to stop himself from asking the question that had been burning into his mind since Jack popped into the bunker on the previous night.   
  
"Dean?"  
  
Dean stared down at his hands. "What's up?"  
  
"You seem - distressed." Cas stepped inside the room, closing the door behind him. "Are you sure your stomach -"  
  
"Are you going with him?" the hunter blurted out.   
  
Cas blinked in surprise. "With who?"  
  
"Jack," he gritted out. "I heard the two of you discussing Heaven. I was just wondering - I don't know. Maybe you reconsidered his offer."  
  
Cas stared at Dean with squinted eyes. He seemed to connect the dots, because the angel smiled.   
  
"You're worried."  
  
"No, no," Dean lied quickly. "It would be a great opportunity. And you would be with other angels. And I just want you to be happy."  
  
Cas sat down on the bed next to Dean. His blue eyes were like diamonds at they shined up at the hunter.   
  
"I am happy," the angel assured him, placing one of his large hands on top of Dean's. "Besides, once I die, I always have the option of resuming my role in Heaven. And I am sure Jack would extend the offer to you and your brother as well. We could all maybe help one day, when we have finished living this life. If that is something we desire at the time."  
  
Dean blinked, attempting to process this information. He never really thought about what came after all this mess. He assumed he would eventually go back to hell or end up stuffed in some boring memory in Heaven. But to have a position of power after death? That was actually kind of cool.   
  
They sat in silence for a moment. Cas did not remove his hand from Dean's.  
  
"I was worried," Dean admitted softly. "I don't know what I would do if you left."  
  
"I would be very distressed if I wasn't with you - and Sam, of course. You both mean a great deal to me."  
  
"Cas," Dean began before his courage could leave him. "You said you wanted to know what you were to me -"  
  
A dozen emotions flashed over the angel's face but in the end he wore the same determination he had shown in the greenhouse.   
  
"Yes, Dean?"  
  
Dean looked down at his feet. Heat swirled in his cheeks as he tried to unscramble the words in his brain. He felt like a fucking high school girl on prom night.   
  
"Things have happened between us - bad things. I've hurt you, you've hurt me. We've both fucked up a lot. And we've both been used. But when - when we were together. When we, ya know," Dean gestured to his bed, pulling a shy smile from Cas. "That was the best night of my life. And every time I've been able to be with you like that - it just feels right. I didn't think I could have it and then when I thought maybe I could, I didn't know to say it and I don't know how you feel -"  
  
"Dean, I have been in love with you for a very long time."  
  
"Yeah?" the hunter asked, feeling dizzy from all the newly spoken words floating around the room. "Well, that's uh - fuck Cas. That's awesome."  
  
They kissed then. Tenderly, carefully. It wasn't rushed or desperate like their kisses before. Cas wrapped one of his large hands around Dean's face, cupping his cheek and the hunter sighed into his mouth. Heat coiled in Dean's stomach, pulsing through his groin but he ignored it for now. He didn't want Cas to think this was just about getting off. This was about finding home in the only person who had seen his worst and was still in love with him.  
  
Dean pulled back suddenly. "Oh fuck," he blurted out. "I love you too. I just realized I didn't say it back."  
  
Cas chuckled, tugging Dean back to him. "Dean, I know." 


End file.
